Love, logistics, and the day Amazon nearly started a diplomatic incident.
I’m pleased to say that, so far, “The War Room” has worked the way that it was meant to — it’s created a space for those of us who want to play adversaries to do so. Not in a hostile way, but in a playful way. Valkyries did mention that on Wednesday as well, that even if it might seem like we’re adversaries sometimes, it’s just the way we play.
Of course, it doesn’t take long for less-than-subtle innuendo to become a part of the room. It only took talk of the Admiral entering my port and suddenly I had a very hard time maintaining my composure.
So there were other things that happened on Wednesday evening, and first is that I had a good chat with my blogging friend, Spanky, after an ongoing roleplay between us went a bit awry. Not awry in a bad way, but intentions weren’t understood, things got overcomplicated, and what I thought was attention-seeking for the sake of attention-seeking — which I’d said I can’t always accommodate because I do have real work to do — was actually… not.
Spanky admitted to being attracted to me, which I found deeply touching. Spanky did tease me about being naive to it though, which, if you knew me, is kind of a thing I do. I usually know when a man is flirting with me, but not always when a male friend is attracted to me. Go figure.
Second to that, Valkyries hit me with a “watcha havin’?” (for dinner), and I fell, hard. He cannot do that to me; the man cannot drink “apothecary” teas and use big words like a true business owner in one sentence, then be completely boyish and “normal” the next — that’s not allowed under the basic rules of engagement! It destabilises my system and overrides my self-protection protocol. The man is not fighting fair.
It’s been bugging me that for the past two days that my brain has been playing Counting Crows’ “Accidentally In Love”, loud and on repeat. And because maybe, that’s exactly what I am.
Finally, we watched another episode of Celebs Go Dating, and I laughed out loud when Lucinda Light — who I mentioned in my last diary post — appeared wearing a grey military-style jumpsuit with black boots, and Danger Zone playing in the background. Master didn’t understand why it amused me so.
Thursday morning we’re back at it again, with Valkyries tugging on those nerves deep in my loins and me doing my damndest to resist him. I have to get up. I have to get things done, but damn if the pair of them don’t know how to override my senses sometimes. At least they make my suffering delightful.
Actually, before that Valkyries had pointed out to me that he likes “normal” tea too, and somehow that normalises everything. I’m not seeing Valkyries the Dominant anymore; I’m seeing Valkyries, the man.
I did my “Top Gun Training” again Thursday, and I’m enjoying it still. It’s not “too much”; it’s accessible and enjoyable, and Mum and I are talking about swimming again too. Lunch was a chicken salad with oatcakes, but I also had an easy peeler and a small cake too. So it’s a change from my normal lunch, but it’s still an enjoyable change — I’m not punishing myself into shape.
While I’m there though, and because Valkyries joked about training me, I asked him, if he could train me, how would he train me? Neither Master Levi nor Mister Valkyries want me to be more submissive or compliant, so I had to wonder what this “training” might look like, if indeed it happened at all.
And credit where it’s due, Valkyries was honest enough to say that he doesn’t really know — that it would be something we discussed as we got to know one another, if we did. Not that we don’t plan to get to know one another, but that any formal “training” might actually not be a part of TTWD.
Thursday lunchtime, Valkyries comes up with “kinkball”, which was a new one on me, so I asked him to explain it. Valkyries said that it was different kink scenarios, depending on the outcome of a game of football, to which I said that “that is not becoming a thing”, and Valkyries said that he would “talk to those with interest”. So I already know that I’m cooked, and worse still, I know that my two asshats are going to thoroughly enjoy “cooking” me.
Thursday afternoon was weird: I had an Amazon package turn up on our doorstep, which in itself is not weird for someone who shops on Amazon. What was weird though was that what was inside the box was not what I had ordered: four boxes of puppy food, a pair of bracelets with a card declaring love and being together, and a silver bracelet with a diamanté circle and heart charm — definitely not the household essentials that I’d ordered!
I checked the delivery label. Definitely me.
So that had me perplexed: who was sending me gifts of a romantic nature? Of course, my primary suspect was Valkyries, because of our developing relationship, but also because of the times I’ve sent him surprise packages unannounced.
Valkyries said it wasn’t him, so then I had to ask Master Levi. It made little sense given he’d normally ask me before buying dog food, and he knows our dog is not a puppy, but perhaps it’s a mistake or a substitution?
Not him either.
So then our collective hackles are raised: who the fuck is sending me romantic gifts with no note attached?!
I turned my suspicion to my exes, W, B, and L, but especially to W, who used to send gifts from Amazon as a way to try and patch things up after our break-ups. I was clear with Valkyries that the only one I was open to hearing from again was L, and even then, it would be purely for friendship — I have no interest in dating a man who leaves a queen to fend for herself.
I checked my Amazon wishlist in case readers can add items not on it and I had a secret admirer — they can’t.
I even asked Spanky, given our conversation the day before — the date on the postage label matched the day of our conversation. I’d started freaking out because that would be way too much, way too soon if it was. It wasn’t Spanky either.
I’m suspicious particularly of the dog food, and of the silver bracelet. A circular and heart charm? This is someone who knows I’m a submissive, and knows I have a dog. This is someone who knows me.
This feels like my very own Fifty Shades Darker moment, except this time, I’m the one with the crazy, obsessive stalker!
It turns out, there was a mix-up with the labels at the warehouse, and so I had received somebody else’s order. So I’d got their lovely bracelets and dog food, and they got my household essentials instead!
Amazon did let me keep the lot, and they have refunded me so I could resubmit my order. I should be able to water my garden on the weekend.
Kinky Fuckery Thursday was cancelled by mutual agreement: neither Master nor I wanted to wind up stuck to the other. It’s frustrating because there is a part of me that has been dreaming of bondage and sensation play and ice right now, especially in this current British heatwave. But I know how these things escalate, and what then?
I did think of Valkyries though, who I knew probably wouldn’t mind getting stuck to me.
Master and I talk over our candlelit dinner, about relationships and how stress-free everything is with the three of us laughing, joking and talking together. Sometimes the three of us talk together, and I know that sometimes Master and Valkyries talk among themselves. It’s all lovely.
Master says something about me being “stuck” with them, and I shake my head. He’s confused.
“I’m not stuck with you,” I say coolly, “I didn’t choose either of you. I was happily living my own life, but you two chased me and you convinced me. So now? Now you’re stuck with me!”
Master Levi also said that I was “brave” for eating butter chicken in a white tshirt, to which I shrugged and replied – in my classically deadpan, “Cadet Ruckford” energy –“fortune favours the bold”. He still doesn’t know what to do with me.
Valkyries and I did have quite a lengthy conversation on Thursday evening, that somehow felt so… domestic in its own way. There’s no kink or roles in it, no Admiral and Cadet, just JGood & Elena. It was the kind of conversation that two people have when they realise this human might be someone they want to have around them a little more often.
Valkyries pointed out that I called him “stupid” and an “idiot” (because he was being both!) in an afternoon, and that if I’d punched him in the arm and stormed off, he might start to think I liked him. Brazen as they come, I told Valkyries that storming off would suggest I couldn’t handle him.
And so it goes with us, the sparring may be ceaseless, but at least there’s love beneath it.
Of course, Valkyries started with his Dad jokes, so I gradually dialled up the seduction and fried the poor man’s brain. I didn’t get half of what I needed to do, done, sure, but then I don’t think either did he.
In my defence, the Admiral was warned about me and my “capabilities”. Perhaps, the next time his radar starts screaming at him, maybe the Admiral will listen 😉
Friday was largely uneventful, though Valkyries and I are back to more of the domestic chat of the day before. Valkyries asked if I’d let him use three holes, so I asked what for, and Valkyries clarified that it was for chilled (refrigerator), frozen (freezer) and dry (cupboard) foods. So I said he’d have to let me use “three holes” too, since Valkyries has always believed in fairness. Three drawers: one for personal care, one for clothing, one for toys.
Valkyries did suggest that I’d be staying over, and I joked that was “presumptuous”— said that mine was a “strategic occupation” (well, it’s just how a Queen expands her Kingdom!). I also said that my “strategic occupations” tend to begin as nothing more than a bobby pin, or a hair scrunchie.
Unfortunately we did have a bit of a misunderstanding Friday night, which stung a bit. I asked Valkyries “for a friend” how honest said “friend” should be, and he was curious about my question, but then started talking about comfort levels and boundaries instead. He also offered an ear if I felt I needed it.
Ah.
Sir, I love that you care, but it’s not that deep. I just wondered how honest you expect your “friend” to be when she discloses her personal porn habits to you.
So then I teased Valkyries about “panicking”, and he argued that he didn’t panic. I disagreed: you were kind of panicking, Sir.
I then got a lecture about what “panic” looks like, so I told Valkyries that I found it “fascinating” that I actually wanted to talk about my porn-watching habits, but he’d assumed there was something wrong. Valkyries said that I “could have been more specific”.
Oof. There are two of us in this arena, Sir.
I was ambiguous on purpose; I’m playful on purpose, that’s just who and how I am. I was going to get to the porn part next, but my darling Admiral went from zero to a hundred, so then I had to divert from my original plan to save him from his own mind. I was going to tell him about the porn part next, but first, I wanted to establish exactly how honest his “friend” should be.
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Until next time!
Stay safe & have fun,
If you’ve made it this far, congratulations, you’re now emotionally invested. Go ahead and worship me properly. My writing chocolate won’t buy itself, you know? 😉
