Growing up in a military family, I was raised to understand the importance of selflessness and serving the community. I have long since felt a sense of duty to serve my community, little did I know just how exactly that might be.

I knew that there was something different about me when I studied sex education in secondary school. I wasn’t interested in just sex, I knew there had to be more – more depth, more intensity, more psychology. My sex education was very much about the dynamics of sex, but what about the other parts of procreation?

I remember vividly getting into trouble with my mother for drawing depictions of sex acts, sex acts that I didn’t even know existed back then, except for in my mind. I fantasised as much about surrender as I did about control, about domination as much as I did dominating. I thought there was something wrong with me until I discovered the BDSM community. There, I knew I was at home.

I graced the BDSM community as a Dominatrix back in 2006, although I now live my life as a fiesty submissive. I enjoy sharing and exploring all forms of BDSM play and sex and supporting and inspiring those who wish to learn from me through my free kink coaching service.

How Did “Ten Shades & Me” Come About?

It started off with my reading some of the ascribed attributes of the fictional Christian Grey. Okay sure, so my husband doesn’t have grey eyes, a swanky office or billions in the bank, but he does have a poverty-ridden past, his mother also passed away when he was four (though not from drugs), he is a Dominant (and a workaholic!) and he does insist on spoiling me rotten. I think it also came in the fact that he didn’t know where his mother was buried, and just like in the last movie (but before the last movie!), my family helped him find her. It was this bittersweet irony that made us accept how the books and movies were a little like our own story, in some way.

As for my part, Ana and I share some similarities too. We both have brown hair and blue eyes for one, we’re both writers and romantics and fiesty, strong-willed women who are not afraid to stand up for what we believe in. We are both kind-hearted women who have fallen for men who were perhaps a little bit rough around the edges, and loved them into the fine men that they’ve become. I love my husband and I’m so exceptionally proud of him — it warms my heart every day to see where he is now when I know what he comes from.

On our way out of watching Fifty Shades of Grey at the cinema, Master Levi was feeling a little down on himself as not being “Dominant enough” for me. I tried to reassure him that he absolutely is Dominant enough for me, he’s just not Dominant like Christian Grey is (which is probably for the best!). In my usual jovial fashion I started deducting a few “shades” for him being “not that rich”, “not that messed up” etc, until I reached my conclusion:

“So I reckon about… ten shades, then?” I said. He gives me an absolutely filthy stare but it’s now our brand!

Ten Shades & Me was named such as a satirical recognition of the similarities between us and the books, all while inviting you into and to learn from our kinky lives. We pride ourselves on being here for all and any who want to interact with us, no matter who you are or where you are on your kinky journey.

As for the burning question, do we have our own Red Room Of Pain? The answer is no, we don’t. We do have our Magnolia Room Of Sensation though, and it’s pretty darn close!

What About The Disabilities?

I am a lady with a few lifelong disabilities, including hearing loss, anxiety and chronic pain. Master’s mother was also disabled, and so he too is passionate about support for disabled people. Support and accessibility is something that is seldom discussed when it comes to sex and the sex industry, and Ten Shades & Me wants to be part of the growing voices who advocate for better access and inclusivity to sexual enjoyment for disabled people. We take disability into consideration when reviewing sex toys and sex positions, which is something you won’t always see!

Did You Know…

Ten Shades & Me was never even supposed to be run by me. Shortly after watching Fifty Shades of Grey in the cinema, Master Levi and I were in the queue in ASDA one day and noticing the books, I said to him that “someone our age” is going to have to teach our peers about the BDSM lifestyle now. Master looked at me and said “well why not you? You write well”, and so relucantly, I agreed. He still stands confident in that being one of the best decisions he’s ever made, and I’m still so grateful that he believed I was up to the task because without him, I wouldn’t be doing this!

---

Ten Shades & Me is currently self-funded to keep it accessible and paywall-free. If you’ve found value here, your support will help us keep going. Thank you.