What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

1. The assumption that if I’m submissive IN the bedroom, then I’ll be submissive OUT of the bedroom.

Haha, good joke, but no. Seriously, this happens a lot, and it’s an issue I face a lot with “nice” guys who know I’m kinky, who think they can just bark orders at me and I’ll do as they command, cos I’m submissive, innit? Yes, I may be submissive, but I am submissive only to a select few who have earned the right and have demonstrated the knowledge and ability to look after me (as a submissive), who are safe for me to submit to, and who don’t simply see me as a willing hole to be filled, or a dumb bitch to be ordered around. 

2. The assumption that I’ll be submissive to EVERYONE.

Just no. For one, I am the boss of this blog. For two, aaround my home, I am large and in charge: I organise the family, the shopping, and most of the chores. I am the main master of our dog, who knows who the real boss is. Before I got married, I worked in business negotiations for a sports club, where I was respected for my ability to negotiate well and push for a good deal. I intimidate people without even trying, or without even meaning to, just because of my confidence. I choose to submit to the few people who have proven themselves to be safe and worthy of my submission. If you didn’t already know I was submissive, then you probably wouldn’t know. I am an Alpha submissive. 

3. The assumption that I must love swallowing/anal sex because “all submissives like that stuff”.

Put the porn down and live in reality for a while. You’ll soon realise that real people have real preferences, just like you do.

4. The assumption that they have a right to call me prejorative terms because of my identity, “slut”, “whore” etc.

Absolutely not! I wrote here about my detest for the term “slut”, and I don’t respond to “cunt” or “bitch”, either. If you aren’t my Dom, then my name is “Helen” to you. 

5. The assumption that I’m a bad submissive, just because I answer back to my Dominant. 

Everyone that I play with likes the challenge of owning me and my feisty, fiery nature. Does that make me a “bad” submissive? Not if it’s what my Dominant partners want me to be! Some Dominants enjoy a spicy submissive, and I’m all too glad to give them what they want.

6. The assumption that I must live a really kinky, interesting life. 

At time of writing, it’s 9PM on a Friday night, Master Levi is at football and I’m blogging. Tomorrow, I’m building a patio table and spending an evening with my father-in-law, who knows not what we do. Sunday, it’s a lazy day and housework before the next week, though, I suppose there is always a possibility of some lazy Sunday sex… 

See also: A Day In My Life: The 24/7 BDSM Submissive

7. The assumption that I must have big breasts/a bubble ass, because porn. 

Do I need say more?

8.The assumption that knowing what I do for work gives people the automatic right to flirt with me.

The only thing you’re flirting with when you flirt with me is danger. Respect begets respect, just sayin’. When you speak with me, please treat me as a person with a job in sexual health, rather than as a sex object for your darkest fantasies.

9.The assumption that befriending me as a kink blogger could lead to having sex with me. 

At this time, the only person I have sex with is my husband. We’ve always said “never say never”, but we’re not looking for sex. Even still, your reasons for befriending someone should not be for the possibility of getting to sleep with them! 

10.The assumption that kink isn’t a sexuality. 

Read this post, then tell me that I don’t have a natural predisposition for BDSM. I was practically born kinky! Isn’t that the same as being born gay?

That’s it from me for this post. What diffoculties have you faced with your kinks? Share your thoughts in the comments or read more of my 30 Days of Kink posts!

Just dipping your toe into the world of BDSM? Take a read of our FREE Guide To BDSM!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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