Day 10: What Are Your Hard Limits?
There are some on this list that might take a few people by surprise, but I'm allowed to set my own limits and be into (or not into) what I'm into. Everyone has their own boundaries and limits, and these are mine.
Drink/Drugs & BDSM
I like to think of this one as the "Toxic Trio" - combining either (or both) stimulants with a BDSM session is just bad news. If you're not fully conscious then you can't give informed consent, and here in the BDSM community, we are big on informed consent. Alcohol increases the heart rate which can increase bleeding if you break the skin, and drugs can inhibit cordination and reactions, thereby resulting in (sometimes significant) injuries. If I think my partner is drunk or high then I won't play with them, and if we're at an event, I'll probably tell one of the Dungeon Masters too. They're a risk to me, to others and themselves.
I should say here that a double Scotch on the rocks or a glass of wine to loosen up before a session is possibly okay, but anything more than that is risky business.
It alarms me how many times I've been asked if incest or beastiality is something I would do, almost as though they are somethings that I should be willing to do. The answer is no - it's illegal, and I won't be a part of it. Taboo, Daddy Dom and pet play/roleplay is one thing, but breaking the law in the name of kink? Consider me out. I love my family and they know what I do, but we have respect and boundaries.
To each their own, but scat and watersports are not for me, personally. I just don't see the appeal, and that's okay. I don't want to try and see it, either.
TPE (Total Power Exchange)
Believe it or not I can be quite an assertive person, and sometimes I like having my own things to take care of or be responsible for. Some submissives desire to surrender complete control and that's okay, but not this girl - I like having a partner who trusts me, and trusts me to make some decisions and get stuff done. I like having a partner who wants to work with me, not for me or on me. Basically, I like having a partner who respects me and is proud to enjoy my kick-ass capabilities, as much as I respect and enjoy theirs.
Piercings, Tattoos & Body Modifications
Again, to each their own, but for me personally this is going a little too far. A family friend is a tattoo artist and I know how much they loathe "couple" designs like names etc, and so as such I've always sworn them off. I also like to maintain a relatively elegant, unintimidating appearance, so lots of piercings and tattoos won't be my style. As for body modifications, for me that's a flat-out no. If my partner doesn't love me the way I am then they're the wrong partner for me.
I find that this often goes with the above, and again for me, I just don't see the appeal. I get scratched up all the time while roughousing with my dog, but to be sliced up for real, and intentionally? No thankyou.
Forgive me, but I feel like with thanks to pornography, some of the BDSM practices that exist today come right out of the pornography playbook. Again, fine if that's what you're into, but it's not for me. I much prefer leather and lace to cold steel and hemp rope. Except, you know, for one or two exceptions.
I have been sexually assaulted in my lifetime, and sadly more than once. It was traumatic for me and in all cases, I was encouraged to drop the matter. Rape play might be fun and sexy - or even therapeutic - for some people, but for me it would likely be a sure route to a lack of trust and the end of a relationship.
DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell)/Cheating
Nope, nope, nope and no. I'm fine with not telling poly partners everything that I do with another (to reduce jealousy), but hiding the whole relationship from my other partners, or from my metamour(s)? Nuh uh. If you don't want your partner to know about me, that's a huge red flag for me and tells me that I probably don't know everything either. If you can't be honest about me, and with me, you won't be with me at all.
I get it, tests aren't fun, but they are important. I've got no problems with meeting people and forming relationships, but we won't have any kind of physical intimacy without a recent, all-clear STI test first. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and all of that.
Making My Husband Jealous
I've dealt with it before, and no, it's just so toxic. Matt is not a lucky man, he is THE lucky man, and it is only because of him encouraging me to run my blog and allowing me to have relationships with other people that I can do so. Matt deserves respect, not abuse, and I enforce that. I enforce respect for all of my partners, actually.
Barrier-Free Sex (Outside Of My Marriage)
I tried it, I used to do it to make guys happy, then I realised I was forcing my body to do it and most guys care more about whether or not I'm happy too. I didn't like the perception of me that it creates either, or the expectation that if I do it once then I will do it again and again, and so I stopped. A vast majority of guys I've spoken to have been totally chill when I've said that I don't swallow anymore, which I'm really grateful for. My face or my breasts are usually a welcome, mutually-satisfying alternative.
A Soft Limit: Single Poly Partners
I know that this is going to cause some upset, but I've found that any time I've been approached by single, would-be poly partners, there is nearly always some jealousy. Polyamory means multiple partners, and multiple partners means that I regrettably can't dedicate all of my time and attention to just one person. When I've been partnered with people in existing relationships, all of that stress and drama typically melts away because they have their own lives to lead as well. We connect more like good friends, but friends with an added bit that we're allowed to explore. By saying that I won't readily get involved with single poly partners, I've been able to keep my life relatively stress and drama free.
That's it from me for this post! What are our hard limits? What one/s surprises people most? Why? Give this post a like, share, or leave a comment below. Alternatively, click here for more 30 Days Of Kink posts!
Until next time.
Stay safe & have fun,
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