Hello Lovelies,
A few days ago I commented on a post from fellow blogger Olivia, who expressed her dislike of the word “Spanko”. I told Olivia that I’d never heard that one used before but if she doesn’t like it, there are other options she could go for, such as “spankee” or “masochist”. In the same comment, I also shared my aversion to the term “slut”.
Of course, in the BDSM community, “slut” is a widely used name for a (typically female) submissive, and so it might seem a bit odd why anyone would object to it. In her reply to my commont, Olivia said that she would be posting about her own experiences with the word, and I promised that I would follow up in a post as well.
Unfortunately my response was a little slower than I would have liked (one sometimes forgets how much having a cold can impede your energy levels!), but this is my response to Olivia’s post.
5 Reasons I Hate The Term “Slut”
1. It Lacks Creativity
What’s the first name you’d think to call a submissive woman? Admit it, it’s probably “slut”. You didn’t even have to think that hard about it, did you? It’s just there and easy to grab. That’s my problem with it: D/s is a partnership, for better or worse, and I deserve a partner who is willing to put 50% of the effort into our partnership. If you’re not willing to put the effort into coming up with a decent petname for me, then where else might you be willing to let me down? One-sided relationships eventually breed resentment, and I don’t want that for myself, or my partners.
2. It Limits My Uses As A Submissive
By its very definition, a slut is “a woman who has many sexual partners”. A submissive may be sexual or they may not be, they may have multiple partners, one or none. Still, when you limit my role to just sex then you discredit all else that I may be, as a submissive. You can dress it up however you want to, with whatever adjectives you like. A slut is still a slut though, and nothing more.
3. It Can Be Sexist
Although (typically bisexual or gay) male “sluts” exist, the term is overwhelmingly used towards women, and often with a derogatory tone. Some people may choose to use the term with pride and power. but it is mostly used to cut women down for their sexual practices and attitudes. Even in pop culture, men who have lots of women are portrayed as cool and attractive, but women with lots of men are portrayed as “easy” or slutty.
4. It Has Bad Memories For Me
I was in my family kitchen ahead of a Saturday night out, grabbing a bite to eat. I was wearing a black long-sleeved top, a denim knee-length skirt, black sheer tights and black calf boots – a perfectly fine look for a night out on the tiles with my friends! To my mother though, I was inviting trouble. I tried to reason with her but she said that I “looked like a slut” and I was “asking to get raped”. In the end I swapped my skirt for a pair of jeans, but I didn’t return to the family home for four days.
5. It’s Just Not True For Me Anyway
By definition, a slut has “many” sexual partners – that’s just not applicable for someone who has only (ever) had three. Applying a crude and inaccurate term like “slut” to someone who prefers long-lasting relationships to casual encounters is just laughable, and will probably get you laughed at (by me). I’m sure my Dominant partners would want me to take them seriously when they speak to me, no? 😉
That’s it from me for this post.What name/s do you dislike in your BDSM play? Leave a comment below or read more of my kink & BDSM posts!
Until next time.
Stay safe & have fun,
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