For far too long, I hesitated about discussing my physical disabilities on my blog. Being kinky and a mental health blogger was what made me popular, why tarnish that image with my not-so-perfect body?
Inspired by PoojaG’s guest post from The Wheelchair Teen, I realised that I should no longer be ashamed of who I am. I’m not simply the kinky blogger or a disabled blogger. I’m a disabled, kinky blogger – it’s time to embrace me!
In this world, it seems as though there is a damning perception of disabled people that still exists to this day. You’re either able-bodied and can be afforded all of the benefits that go with it, or you’re disabled, and you’re left with the spoils. Activity groups are set up for you where you can go and paint or bake and sip tea with your friends until you either quit or perish of natural causes. Sadly and all too often, it just doesn’t occur to these group organisers that disabled people might not want to bake yet another batch of fairy cakes from a packet, and many of us have exactly the same hobbies and interests as our able-bodied peers. I know, right? How dare we.
But nothing infuriates me more than the idea that disabled people don’t have sex, that it’s unimaginable for us to be having sex, or that the sex we have must be different, weird, or in some way awkward, because of our disabilities. Who told you that?
You saw the grab rail in the bathroom and you just assumed I needed them in bed too? Bathrooms have wet and slippery surfaces (don’t be rude!).
What does it take to accommodate my disabilities in bed? A pillow. Quite literally because, flat on my back, my cerebellar ataxia can make me feel incredibly nauseous. Trust me, that’s just not going to end pretty for anyone.
When a lot of people meet me, they imagine that my life must be nice, that I must have a simple life, a quiet life or that my marriage must be nothing like their own, because I have some disabilities. Maybe we have sex once in a blue moon when we have plenty of time to get the props and aids out, or that I need my husband to help me manoeuvre into position. Some disabled people may need support in the bedroom, but that isn’t the case for everyone.
It is wrong to assume that disabled people have sex different from anyone else, and it is wrong to assume that their sexual tastes and preferences are in any way different from able-bodied people. Maybe we do need some help and support sometimes, but any decent person won’t see that as an obstacle. If they do, then they aren’t worth sharing your bed with in the first place!
I don’t disclose off the bat that I’m kinky or discuss what I get up to in the bedroom because I have some decorum, that’s all. If you want me to bound up to you and tell you how many times my husband flogged me or the other wicked things he did to me then I can do that if you prefer, though it may shock you if you knew. It turns out, some of us less-abled folk are far darker than you thought! Who knew?
If you don’t want to imagine disabled people having sex, you need to get your own head out of your ass before I use one of my crutches to push you down a very steep hill and roll you into the local river. We fuck, we tie one another up and we do things to one another you won’t even find on Redtube. It happens — disabled people screw.
But please, please. if I have to get down on my crunchy, painful knees and beg of you, please stop treating us as though we don’t.
That’s it from me for this post. How do you make kink with disabilities work for you? Leave a comment below or read more of my kink & disabilities posts!
Until next time.
Stay safe & have fun,
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