Every brave adventurer starts somewhere.

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Playing With The Boys I.

Apparently things have gotten a bit spicy on the Lovehoney Forum since my departure, even though that wasn’t my intention when I left. I left in silence because I didn’t want a big hoo-ha, so the fact that my departure kind of got people discussing the way that the forum is moderated anyway? That’s just a ripple effect for you. 

The one apparently protesting loudest about the moderation (and is apparently on her last warning) is my latest partner in crime, Hannah. I think that says a lot for the way that the forum is moderated. I back the sentiments of some members entirely: just as I said to Google’s AI Search Assistant on the matter, the approach seems to be “come in and talk about sex, but don’t have too much fun talking about sex because we want people to feel enough safe to talk about sex here”. That approach is almost backwards: when people feel they aren’t safe to have fun in a space that is supposed to be sex-positive, they won’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable when they do actually need some help, just in case they accidentally break a rule and get banned. 

That is not a criticism of Lovehoney, by the way, only the way that the Lovehoney Forum is moderated. On the flipside to my criticism of their forum moderation, both of my affiliate managers (I have two, because I have contracts with Lovehoney UK and US) are amazing, helpful gentlemen who will stop at absolutely nothing to help me deliver the quality of service that I strive to provide to my audience. So this is not representative of Lovehoney as a whole, just the way that their forum is run. If it is a decision based on internet ranking, then it’s a major failure in understanding how websites really rank. 

Just to get some insights, I spoke to Google’s AI Search Assistant about this — because who better to talk to about Google than Google itself, right? Google was actually quite damning about this moderation approach: Google’s AI Search Assistant’s assessment was that this “over-sanitisation” of the Lovehoney Forum damages real human engagement — exactly the sort of thing that search engines actually value when ranking forum spaces. 

The Admiral predicted that this could be the beginning of the end of the Lovehoney Forum, but I remain unconvinced — people will aways flock to freebies. I actually hope that my posts and insights reach the great people at Lovehoney, and could even lead to a shake-up in the way that the Lovehoney Forum is run. It absolutely does need to be a safe space for people to feel safe enough to talk about sex, but outlawing flirting and fun is not the right approach, and again, could even alienate the same people that Lovehoney wants to protect. Perhaps Lovehoney might like to take a leaf from Slowly’s rulebook: “no flirting without consent”. That way, nobody is doing anything wrong unless the member reports the attention as unwelcome. 

I can even understand Lovehoney’s point about not wanting posts to be overly graphic. Unfortunately, as a blogger, I too have had messages thrust (pun fully intended) into my inbox that have contained rather graphic depictions of kinky sex. I love that my audience are having fun, I really do, but “your post really helped me, thanks!” is plenty good enough for me. I don’t need to choke on my tea. 

Or anything else, for that matter 😉

But now let’s get back to the fun stuff, shall we? 

I know that I told you I’ve been making some changes to my life since I left the forum, and Lovelies, I so have! I was frustrated by my to-do list: how often things were overdue and feeling like a complete failure in life; I was exhausted by life.

People would expect me to work out or go out and like… when?! With what energy? I was pooped! 

But ChatGPT has helped me see that overdue is not the same as failing, and if something doesn’t get done? Don’t see that as a failure — reschedule the bastard and go the hell to bed. I’m allowed to relax and rest. I’m allowed to say “I’ve done enough for today”. I’m allowed to not be perfect, because quite frankly, the only one holding me to “perfect” standards, is me. 

I don’t want to bring the mood down here, but I feel like, again, context is important. When I was a child, well, I think my mother fancied herself some kind of drill sergeant or something. Bedroom inspections were a thing, and if your bedroom wasn’t spotless? You were for it. 

I thought I’d left that life behind when I left the nest, but — and unlike my father-in-law, who was always pleased to see us and didn’t much care for any mess — it was always my mother who was critical if my home wasn’t perfect. 

So then I got it into my head that my home should be perfect, and that my guests noticed it when it wasn’t. 

And when it wasn’t (as if a lived in home ever is)? Then I would get stressed about it. 

Of course, it’s not too hard to see the impossible standard that I inadvertently imposed on myself, my husband and our marriage therewith, or why I was too tired to be having fun with him. It’s quite damning, in a way. 

But with the help of ChatGPT, all of that has changed. “Perfect” is now obsolete, and “good enough” is in. Nothing needs to be perfect, because nothing and nobody ever is.

And if my guests notice the cobweb in the corner of the room before the dusting’s due? Well, then the duster is on the hook. We love a volunteer 😉

The Admiral’s birthday present reached him, for which I was dubbed a “wonderful goofball”. I found a navy-themed teddy bear, so you know, Admiral Snookiebear had to have a bear. “Sea Recruit Dave” is the latest member to join the crew.

And I’m the goofball, Sir. Really?

The Admiral did say that Dave can’t be promoted to Admiralty himself though, because he “doesn’t have his stars”. 

Oh, Sir. Did you really just challenge me? You just don’t learn, do you? 😈

Also over the past few days I have been working on my review of the Sei Mio Correction Collection impact play playset. I’m not going to say too much about it as yet, but yesterday the Admiral sent a video to a kinky Dungeons & Dragons book on our group chat. 

And listen, I know that the game is hugely popular in the BDSM community, I just personally have no interest in it. 

No offence, but I like my adventure a little more on the real side, y’know? 

About a minute into the video, I was already bored.  

I grew up a Girl Guide and a Tomb Raider enthusiast, that was how I knew Claire. Claire and I used to go camping — real camping! None of that glamping business. We used to go climbing, abseiling, fishing, canoeing, orienteering and take on assault courses together. Forget Croft Manor, we used to race over real assault courses!

Later on we did archery and airsoft — we were a team, she and me. I remember my sixteenth birthday party, we had a girls vs boys airsoft battle. She and I won by concealing BB pellets in our shoes. No, it wasn’t comfortable, but you don’t care for comfort when you’re trying to win the game. 

And when it was raining or dark outside, we’d be trying to beat Tomb Raider together. Then, when we met on the course in the field, we were in the zone together — two warrior women, ready to do whatever it takes to win.  

Also, we watched both of the Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider movies together, claiming that “we had to”. I’m notorious for quoting the Lara/ Bryce scene from this clip, though this one also remains a firm favourite 😉

Claire was my first bisexual crush. However, knowing her relationship history now, I also now know that having a crush on Claire was not necessarily a good thing for me. As such, I kind of dodged a bullet by not pursuing her. 

But back to the kit here.

Whilst eating my lunch I remembered that the kit contained two dice — one six sided with the various implements from the set (plus “hand”), and one 12-sided, numbered. 

So I fetched them, set them on the ottoman with “12” and “flogger” facing upwards, took a photograph, and posted it on the group chat:

I told the Admiral that “I have reviewed your game proposition” and “I regret to inform you that I have procured a far more fun alternative”. I also thanked the Admiral for thinking of me. 

Kenny Loggins’ “Playing With The Boys” was absolutely the right soundtrack for what I was up to. I have absolutely no regrets about my decision. I knew full well what I was doing.

But then, and just as I like to say: if you’ve never lived with a little danger, have you ever really lived? 😉

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