Hunker down. Stock up. Guard the gloves.

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Yesterday started in a way that I wasn’t expecting: with a conversation about theology. 

So it would go, Master Levi had noted the uproar to Meryl Streep’s voicing of Aslan in Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of The Magician’s Nephew — he says it upset the “Christian folk”. 

I’m curious about that: I’m one of said “Christian folk”, and I’m not upset about it.

So I asked him why, and perhaps more particularly, which “Christian folk” we’re talking about exactly? “Christian folk” is a very wide spectrum, in the same way that talking about “Islamic folk” or “Buddhist folk” might be. 

He says its the Evangelicals and the Christian conservatives in the US. I nod emphatically. 

That explains a lot of things, then. 

So then Master asks me why I say that, and I wind up explaining how — at least from my understanding of Jesus’ life and the way that Jesus lived — Jesus cared more about how people treated people as God cares about how we treat one another. At no time would Jesus care whether he was played by a female lead in an adaptation of a story, if that meant someone’s creativity was scrutinized for the need to be “right”.

As it is, CS Lewis didn’t intend for Aslan to be an allegory of Christ anyway. Alsan is supposed to be Christ reincarnate in Narnia, not a figure for Christ. As such, Greta can cast whomever she likes to play the part. It’s her production, and part of creativity, as any creator knows, is that not everyone is going to like what you do. 

 A little later in the day, Addy and I discussed review products. Whilst Master is involved, Addy is a member of the Lovehoney Forum and as such, he tends to be more involved with things there. 

Addy also has a product that I wanted to review because I think it would be great for my audience, and I’d asked to borrow it for photographic purposes, but Addy’s wife uses it regularly. I didn’t want to inconvenience her as she has health needs too, so instead, Addy kindly took some photos of the product for me. 

Hence I wanted to touch base and find out where we’re at with that review, so I can get on with writing the text part of it. 

And that led us to discussing the other products that we had to review. 

And me really, really wanting to try out my new Lifelike Lover 6” realistic dildo with balls. 

Because science. 

So I ended up — as we call it around here — “dickstracted” from putting the laundry away. I was “dickstracted” by my new silicone friend. 

Of course, that wasn’t before I sent Addy a delightful photo of my hand wrapped around the counterfeit cock. Addy said that I had nice form. 

So I now won’t be writing a review on that purchase after all, but I will say that after an intense, all-encompassing combined orgasm atop my piles of clean laundry, it gets a full five stars from me. 

Last night, Addy and I had quite a lengthy conversation about prepping, after he told me that his wife had told him to prepare for emergencies. I am a prepper, but I’m what some might call a “casual prepper” — I have bottled water, a cupboard full of dried and tinned food, wind up torches and a water purification system for purifying collected rainwater, rather than weapons, CBRN suits and an underground bunker. I don’t live anywhere near a major military installation, so and as such, I don’t feel the need to worry about such things. 

But if we get another storm like Storm Darragh, I do want for us to be able to hunker down for a few days, rather than need to go out for food or supplies. So, that’s actually the kind of emergency I’m prepping for. 

“Mother Nature felt particularly chaotic”, more than “nuclear apocalypse”. 

I showed Addy my mini-pantry, the first thing that he noticed was my stash of Spam. Of course, the man has his priorities! 

I also showed Addy my first aid drawer that I said “is equipped for all eventualities”.

Addy asked where the Vaseline was, and I had to concede that I don’t actually have Vaseline. 

Why the fuck don’t I have Vaseline?! It’s a burns care staple!

I showed Addy the little sachets of hydrogel that I have for fresh burns, and in that tray, I also had a pair of nitrile gloves. 

Of course I had to wind Addy up after he called latex gloves “handoms” (hand+condoms) the other day, so I sent him a picture of those too. 

Addy said that I’d already told him where my box of black nitrile gloves are.

He knew their old location, to be clear. Addy doesn’t know their new location, but, I realised — and fortunately ahead of time — that the new location may still be… strategically unwise!

So Addy accuses me of hiding information from him, I bite my lip.

Not intentionally, but you know, I was perfectly intentional about relocating them! 

Addy threatened me with an interrogation, he also said that my medium-sized gloves stretched on his hands would let through extra sensation. I hate the way that made me shiver.

I have vowed now that I have to add two more things to my training: weapons training (because if an Admiral threatens to shoot you with a Nerf gun then you make damn sure you won’t miss!) 

And tingle resistance training. 

If that man is so determined to get on my last nerve, then I’ll make damn sure my steely resolve gets on his.