He broke the rules. She read the rules. Now Starfleet has a problem.

I ruled out taking the Admiral to the science museum yesterday. Normally I would take a prospective partner there – it’s a great place to get to know one another in a hands-on environment and discover just how well you work together – but here it feels too risky. After his assimilation attempt on Tuesday? I’m not really game for being… studied. 

So I suggested going for coffee instead. Or tea! We both like tea. 

Within minutes, the Admiral has picked out a quaint little tea shop in central Bristol. I laugh out loud.

It’s almost unnerving the speed at which that man works. 

Master Levi came home from work in a funk. He’s not the type to rant and rave; he prefers to be quiet and contemplative instead.

And that’s fine, apart from when he’s sat on the lounge in the centre of our home, contemplating life’s goings on. Then I start to wonder if it’s something I’ve done. 

I know something is up. Master is usually pleased to see me after work and equally eager to share work-related gossip with me, but not today. Even earlier, he’d been spilling the tea about an annoying coworker who is on tenterhooks with senior management, but suddenly not now. I’m confused. 

So I would learn that his work friend has been offered a senior position in a rival company and is considering taking it. Master is happy for her – it would mean more money for her – but he would be sad to lose his work bestie. Totally understandable, of course.

I think our conversation has come to a natural conclusion and I can carry on with my evening, but then Master stops me. 

“I love how we can talk about these things and you don’t get jealous,” he says thoughtfully. I look at him as though he’s grown three heads. 

“Of course not!” I say, “you guys are friends. If I find out you’ve been bending her over the desk at break time and giving her what I paid for? That‘s when we’d have a problem!”, Master laughs.

“Of course not,” he says, “she’s a lesbian, for one. And I’m twice her age, for two.”

“Well then,” I say. “Though wearing your hoodies might be a bridge too far”. More laughs. 

“You’re really hung up about that?” he asks. “She was cold!” 

“I was cold too once! And then I discovered that your hoodie smelled like comfort and safety and… “

“And you stole it!” he says. I shrug. 

“I prefer the term ‘staggered assimilation’,” I wink. Master belly laughs.

“You’re a menace!” he says. I grin. 

Master volunteered to cook dinner, which took me by surprise. Normally I cook dinner on weekdays as he’s at work all day, but if he wants to cook, then I’m more than happy to let the man cook. 

“I just know you have a lot you need to get done this evening,” he says. I look at him quizzically. It’s unlike Master to be so… domestic, especially on weekdays. 

“Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?” I ask. 

“Why?” He asks. 

“Because it’s very attractive,” I say, closing the gap between us. “Alas I fear that, if he isn’t too careful, a man’s competence around the home may prove disastrous for his productivity levels.”

“Yours too,” he smirks. I bite my lip. 

“Touché”, I reply. He winks and kisses me.

Last night, Master Levi found Star Trek: Into Darkness on the TV, so he leaves it on for me to watch. I’d seen bits of it before, but I hadn’t really paid attention to it before. I’d never felt as though I needed to. 

“Here you go. You’re getting into the whole Star Trek universe,” he says. Fascinating. Subject appears to demonstrate false beliefs in my intentions to assimilate. 

“What series have you been watching so far?” he asks. 

“I haven’t,” I reply. “I’ve been reading more than watching. I’ve always been more of a reader — it helps to further my understanding of why things are the way they are. I can read at my own pace and research if I need to. If I watch, I tend to focus on the wrong things, and I can only watch as fast as the camera allows.”

For whatever reason, that falls on deaf ears with Master Levi. He’s convinced that I must be watching a series, I’m just not telling him which one. Instead, he tries to guess which series I’ve been watching. Fascinating again. Subject demonstrates willful ignorance when presented with stated facts. 

Whilst we watch, Master Levi provides me with a rundown of who’s who and what’s going on. I smile: I’ve never heard him talk so passionately about anything before. Who knew unlocking their inner nerd could be so much fun? 

I have questions about the movie, namely how a spaceship experiences gravity in an environment not known to have gravity. Why the fuck are these people falling through a severely damaged spaceship like they’re on the damned Titanic, and why is a spaceship obeying gravity near the moon? They’re not merely a who’s who or what’s what; they’re more philosophical questions. 

For a keen scientist, the science bits of this sci-fi movie weren’t sciencing for me. And hey, I know the “fi’ bit of a sci-fi movie means it’s fiction, but let’s at least make it conceivable? We nerds are supposed to care about this stuff! 

I notified the Admiral of what I’d been watching, and I notified him that I may remain “far too analytical” to be properly assimilated. The Admiral himself deemed the movie “crap”.

So perhaps it’s not just me, then. 

But what does fascinate me is my understanding of the Prime Directive. 

It turns out, my dear sweet Admiral is a naughty boy, pursuing an entirely peaceful species which was quite happily minding its own business. Whatever happened to not trying to conquer them?

The Admiral tried to assimilate me first. Without him, “assimilation” may not even exist in my vocabulary. His assimilation into my collective, therefore, was an entirely defensive measure. 

Welcome aboard, Admiral. We have tea 😉

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