The perfect gift this Christmas.

Hello lovelies and welcome to our Kinkmas countdown!

I’ve wanted to do a Lovehoney advent calendar for a while now but because of cost, it was something I often put off doing. Well, now I have the perfect excuse — my audience will enjoy a kinky countdown to Christmas, too!

From 12th-24th December, I’ll be bringing you a post and a short Youtube video every day as we open this calendar together, followed by a review of our experience (hopefully!) on the 27th!

We deliberated over all of the calendar options but ultimately settled on the 12-day “Discover Romance” one. It’s designed to help bring romance to a relationship, but will there be romance in store for us?

Let’s explore…

Today is day:

In our Kinkmas countdown, and today we have…

Satin Restraints

How It Looks

Okay, let’s look at that colour because that colour is gorgeous! These satin restraints are made of a rich plum satin fabric and I am all about them — they are, however, also a shade too thin for my personal liking.

Each restraint is a generous metre long and they come as a set of two, so you have plenty to get tied up in knots with!

How It Handles

Can I be really picky? I personally don’t like satin sash restraints. I love satin! It’s not the satin I don’t like, it’s that — and with the wrong knots — these ties can quickly become tourniquets. Knot everyone knows the safe knots (yes, really! I learned with thanks to Two Knotty Boys) to use in BDSM, and folks, I love you, but I can’t be everywhere, giving you a critical “ah! Ah!” because you were about to use a double knot in your bondage rope once again. It’s not just circulation you put at risk if things slip and go wrong: you risk trapping a nerve, too.

So when companies like Lovehoney — who actively promote sexual wellness — promote something that I personally consider unsafe, especially without any clear usage instructions (beyond basic BDSM advice)? It really grinds my gears. Would you sell a harness to a rock climber without any fitting instructions? Go scuba diving with an instructor who has no formal scuba training? No, you wouldn’t, and that’s kind of the same logic I apply here: if you’re going to get knotty, learn the safe knots first.

Personally — and again if I’m going to be picky — I’d have preferred velcro cuffs to these. Even satin cuffs with a patch of velcro and a cute little gold connector — even if they made the calendar, say, £20 dearer — they’d undoubtedly make the calendar that much safer too. Which means I’ll be able to sleep, knowing some poor sub isn’t gradually turning blue.

How It Feels

Look, it’s made of satin and it does bondage… how else do you think it feels? It’s silky, sumptuous, indulgent and delightful… so long as you use a good knot or a bow 😉

The Verdict

I want to give these satin restraints a full five stars, I really do, but I feel it would be irresponsible of me to be all about them without pointing out the harms that could come to someone (or to their partner) if they use these restraints without bondage safety knowledge. They’re a great idea and a lovely colour, I just feel it’s the wrong product with not nearly enough safety guidance for two such lovely ligatures. 4.5/5.