What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I’ve sort of written about this here before, but for partners generally, I look for:

No addictions – I could use the security of not having my home or the places I visit raided by the police while I’m asleep, and I have seen the aftermath of nicotine addiction and alcoholism on people and families. I don’t mind light drinking – I like a glass of wine with a meal sometimes too – but I’m not going to hang around if your life depends on you being drunk. 

No criminal record – This sounds like a really trivial thing but I would find it hard to look past a criminal record, I have always had a very close relationship with the police so for me, being in a relationship with someone with a criminal record would be like switching sides. Also for really big matters like armed robbery, I just wouldn’t understand how you could do that to a person. I absolutely would be judging, which is unfair in a relationship. 

Honesty – If there is one kind of person I can’t stand, it’s liars. If I catch you in a big lie once, your very existence will annoy me from here on out. I don’t care what the reason for the lie was, if you can’t be honest with me, what else could you be hiding? I’ve got more important things to do than spend my time deciphering people, so if you can’t be honest,you’re out. 

Empathy – if you can’t relate to people’s feelings, you’re going to have a hard time relating to me. I had an ex once who, when I told him that I was having a bad day, he responded with “that sounds like a you problem” – hardly the empathetic response that you would hope for from a romantic partner. Relationships involve being there for one another through good and bad, and if my partner can’t be there for me, they might as well not be in my life at all. 

Relatability – Look, we have to have something in common for us to get along. Also for me, relatability means some openness to faith and the afterlife and no far left or right politics (I’m a centrist). Also, I’m flexitarian, so if you’re going to judge me for eating Quorn nuggets one day and chicken breast the next, you’re probably not for me. 

Trustworthy – Without trust, what do you have? I’ve had people who I thought I could trust backstab me and try and sneak around on me, so if you can’t be trusted, you won’t be trusted. Simple.  

Kindness – There’s just no need for being mean. I do judge people by the kindness of their soul, so if they start belittling people or “negging” me? Nah, I’m out. I always remind myself that the way people treat other people is the way they’ll treat you, so if you’re rude to other people or make personal “jokes” before we really know one another, it’s a hard pass from me. Sorry, not sorry at all. 

Generosity – People who give their time to help other people without expecting anything in return are so attractive to me because you just know that that’s a good soul. Content creators need not apply – there’s a difference between charity and virtue signaling. If you’re recording that good thing you did to show your audience, you’re not acting in charity, you’re virtue signaling.

Self-reliant – I don’t buy into that six-figure bank account business and I don’t expect my partners to pay for me, but if they can’t afford their own life? It’s going to get old,and fast. I don’t mind going Dutch and I am proudly low maintenace, but just because I can maintain myself, it doesn’t mean that I want to maintain my partner too.

Creativity – Writers, artists, designers, inventors and other creators. I love seeing into the way other people think, I love seeing the world from their point of view. 

Intelligence – Look, I’ve always been a fairly intelligent woman, so I need someone who can keep up pace. I don’t need someone with a doctorate, but basic literacy, numeracy and grammar helps, and some understanding of the world helps too. It’s quite hard to debate with someone who doesn’t know what you’re talking about. 

Humble – Maybe because I grew up in my brother’s shadow, prideful people really get under my skin. It’s okay to be good at something, but if you can’t realise that other people can also be good at things, we’re going to have a problem. Don’t try and outdo me in funny or scary stories (unless of course you can!) and if I cook for you, don’t tell me what I could have done to make it better – the only thing I want to hear is “thank you”. 

A good sense of humour – I love to laugh, so if you don’t, we’re not going to work. I love wit and wordplay, and not a day goes by where my self-deprecating humour isn’t on show. Sometimes I’m even funny with my off-the-cuff comments and I love people who appreciate the way I think. If you’re always serious or your sense of humour is drier than desert sand, trust me, we aren’t going to work.  

Must love dogs – This seems like a really trivial thing, but I have a dog, I love dogs and I love dog Dads, too. Don’t ask me what it is – dog parents get dog parents, okay? e more than what I am willing. There are people, Dominants and submissives alike, who love me exactly for who and what I am, and that’s a pretty darn awesome feeling! 

That’s it from me for this post. What qualities does your ideal partner have? Share your thoughts in the comments or read more of my 30 Days of Kink posts!

Just dipping your toe into the world of BDSM? Take a read of our FREE Guide To BDSM!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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