Guilty of stealing my heart. Aggrevated by being infuriating.

Over the past few days I’ve experienced what I’ve come to call “The Great Annoyance”.

Which, I realised after, was a perfectly apt nickname for my two loveable idiots who are solely responsible for my aforementioned great annoyance, but more besides the point.

I’ve been annoyed by this thing lately. You know, love.

I’ve realised that maybe part of the reason love annoys me so much is because I’d almost forgotten how to fall in love again. I mean, it’s been a while, and I’m so used to it being just Levi and me. After our past poly heartaches, we’d decided that it would be just Levi and me from here on out.

I wasn’t looking for love, especially not another long-term relationship. In fact, then other than Levi, I’d given up on ever finding love again!

Then Mister Valkyries comes along, crosses my borders and captures my heart. The worst part is he actually fits quite well with us, and he is… sctually surprisingly healthy, emotionally.

It would be so much easier for me to not like him if he just wasn’t so damn close to perfect.

I mean, not perfect, obviously. Nobody ever is. But he’s pretty damn close to it.

And that? After everything I’ve been through? That’s both welcome and rather disconcerting.

Levi likes him too, and that was absolutely not part of the plan.

So he’s become my new “me” problem, and seemingly — and just like my other “me” problem — he’s not a “me” problem I’ll be resolving anytime soon.

Also, and just like the other one, he’s rather proud of the fact.

Speaking of not being perfect, I think the Admiral himself was in for a surprise when he saw the state of the Magnolia Room of Sensation during busy daylight hours. It made me laugh out loud:

I’m so very far from perfect! I’m clumsy, disorganised, messy, sometimes completely crazy and sometimes completely random. I do do housework, but not all of the housework, every day. I try to be organised and put together, but just like most humans, if there’s a mess that hasn’t been dealt with yet, I’m going to look like an idiot but at least I’ll have fun doing so, or if I still look like I’ve been dragged backwards through a blackberry bush at 2 in the afternoon? Well, then I’m only human, there’s only one of me, and I’ve only got this life 😉

Mine is the silver bottle side, in case you’re wondering. Yes, those are my earphones on the bed. No, I’m not trying to blow-dry the ceiling, I just knocked my mini-fan and haven’t bothered putting it away yet. I told you, I’m not perfect!

There was some fun yesterday when I presented Master Levi with a magnetic cable tie, that he didn’t know I’d ordered to tidy up some loose cables around our home. He asked what it was, and I told him what it most definitely was not:

“A cock ring,” I replied.

“No, really. What is it?”

“A cock ring,” I insisted.

The funniest part was watching Master Levi try and work out what it was actually used for.

He put it on his nose. Perhaps it stops snoring?

He rolled his sleeve up and tried clipping it with the tie. That worked, but it’s not what it’s actually for.

“It’s nunchuks!” he declared, yielding the tiny blue device in one hand and swinging the other end at me. It struck my forearm, causing a sting. I yielded the yellow tie and returned fire, wrapping his knuckles lightly with the end and causing him to drop his tie.

“Ouch! No, not nunchuks,” he says, admitting defeat. “Go on. Show me.”

So I bundle up his phone charger cable, clip it and tuck it onto the shelf and off the floor. He’s impressed.

“Clever,” he says thoughtfully.

The Admiral, however, ruined my fun. He already knew exactly what they were.

Last night and after some tormenting between us, I asked the Admiral if he wanted to “play Court”. He declined it and that stung a little, but I understand it. Right now, I think we’re both feeling a little bit sensitive.

“Playing Court” is something the Admiral and I have done for a while now, and it usually stems from one of us being dogged about a stance we’ve taken. It’s fun and sexy, and very intellectual.

It’s also intensely flirtatious, and most usually only ever results in an “escalation” between us.

An aside: I have a history of calling close male friends “Mr (surname)” in play. It’s a playful, flirtatious thing I do that’s not meant sexually, but when they return fire and use my surname against me? Well, then all bets are off as to how it ends.

Actually, we all know exactly how it sometimes ends, but anyway.

What I didn’t anticipate, though, was that I would wind up defending myself anyway. From Master Levi.

Master had the TV on, and we caught an episode of Channel 4’s “It Gets Worse”.

So Master wants to know — as someone who works in sexual wellness and does reviews — what my thoughts on it are.

Can’t a girl get a night off?

“It’s okay. It’s very progressive,” is my reply. “It’s got a lot of sex and not a lot of storyline.”

“Plenty of perky boob!” I add, “can’t fault it for that.”

We watched it for a while, then I rolled my eyes and had to leave the room when Roger (Blake Harrison) talked about being in love.

Eurgh. Love stuff.

“Where are you off to?” Master asks.

“Bedroom.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to keep watching this.”

“Why not?”

Gee, am I on trial or summat?

“Just don’t,” I shrug.

Suddenly Master gets an idea.

“No!” he declares.

“What?”

“You fancy Blake Harrison?”

“Oh, right. Sure, you got me,” I bluff. “Can I go now?”

“You’re lying!” he declares.

“Am I?” I ask.

Well if I’m going to stand accused, then I might as well commit to the bit.

Suddenly, Master Levi isn’t so sure in his conviction.

“Why?” he asks, confused. “He’s tall, bearded and gangly.”

I grin. He’s just handed me exactly the bait I need to get myself out of this.

“Have you looked in the mirror recently?” I ask. He pouts, I shoot him a wink and kiss him on the forehead.

“Love you!” I say, and head for the bedroom.

And with that, the prosecution rests.

---

Advertisement

Psst… Want 20% off at Lovehoney? Of course you do! Simply enter AFF-10SHADES20 at checkout on Lovehoney UK or Lovehoney.com and start saving today! Click here for full details.