Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?
I feel like my need to submit is met, yes, but not in full. Matt enjoys BDSM and he enjoys my submission, but he is not into BDSM in his own right and so I don’t feel as though I have ever explored or been pushed to explore the true extent of my full submissive potential. That is why we opened our relationship up, so that I could explore my submission in full with someone else.
Could I live without my submission? No, absolutely not, and I cannot express that enough. My submission keeps me safe, it keeps me from doing some unthinkable things. I used to be a cutter, I stopped because Matt told me that if he gave up cannabis then he wanted me to stop cutting, and I agreed. It was hard at first and yet I learned to feel and get it all out in safer, less damaging ways, such as sensation play. Sometimes I still get the urge to scratch and cut, but Matt will run a pinwheel over the area instead, or some ice. It’s a very intense and dark scene, but it’s very cathartic and it helps to take the urge away for a while, but sometimes it's not enough.
On another occasion I remember being in a really dark place around wintertime. I'd spent a lot of time alone (pre-Covid) and my brain had its grasp on me. I was suicidal and I was scared because - despite the voices in my head - I didn't actually want to die! My Mum and Dad cou;dn't talk any sense into me and that scared me. In the end it was Matt who talked me down and got me to go and got me to cooperate. It was another example of how my submission saved my life.
Sometimes I really need someone who can push me. Someone who can break me and then rebuild me, if you will.
Also, and I quote this often, but there is a line that Christian says in Fifty Shades Of Grey and it really resonates with me:
“By giving up control,I felt free. From responsibility, from making decisions. I felt safe. You will, too, you'll see.”
On the day-to-day I’m a blogger and a housewife. I decide what I need to do and when, what I’m going to write about, what to cook for dinner, any other odds and ends that need doing, I shop for birthday and Christmas presents, handle appointments and veterinary treatments, and so on. Even in a 24/7 BDSM relationship I still have a surprising amount of control, probably a lot more than a lot of people think I should or would have. Yet, in a BDSM scene, when the lights go low and the red lights come on on a Friday night, that power and control is gone and I know that. My only task then is to get ready and to be ready, whatever that means for me. I don’t get to know what Matt’s plan is, what we’re doing or anything, I just have to trust him. He takes that control from me so that I can embrace losing control like I need to do sometimes.
What makes submission special to me? I think, aside being how I manage my mental health, it’s also how I express love and respect. I don’t just show my soft, submissive underbelly to anyone, so for me to call anyone Sir means to say that they’ve done something worthy of me considering them Dominant around me, and there are only three men thus far who have had that level of respect from me. Commanding my submission doesn’t work, it has to come from the heart.
That's it from me for this post! What makes submission special to you? What aspects do you like most about caring for a submissive? Why not give this post a like, share your thoughts in the comments or click here for more 30 Days Of Submission posts!
Until next time!
Stay safe & have fun,
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