I didn’t launch a thousand ships, but the Admiral still launched a campaign on my behalf.

I had no plans to write a post today, but alas, here we are. 

Let me also say that I’ve had a man defend my honour before — at least three times in my life — but never before have I had a man launch a full-scale campaign on my behalf, least of all on my birthday.

But here we are, the Admiral does what he does best. I must say that the huge surge in blog traffic was quite the birthday present.  

My understanding from the Admiral is that my former forum friend, Hannah, asked about my whereabouts. She was worried that I might be “at war” with my neighbour. 

Honestly, I’m absolutely fine — I’ve reduced my workload, have more time to spend per blog post, do less unnecessary cleaning, I’ve made a few more sales and I’ve even been a bit more social elsewhere. There are these little “wars” in my life, but they’re good “wars”, fun “wars” — think battle of the sexes, rather than actual war. They’re men who poke and provoke me, and rather than complaining about it, I give as good as I get. 

So what happened with the Lovehoney Forum, and why did I seemingly leave on a whim? 

First, let me be clear that it was absolutely about the way that the forum was moderated and absolutely nothing at all to do with the great people that I’ve spoken to on the boards. I’ve had some great interactions with some of you, and I promise you, it’s not you. 

In truth, I’ve been on and off of the forum for a while, namely because I felt moderation was so inconsistent. Members are bollocked for interacting too regularly, forcing them to invite other members into a conversation purely so that they don’t appear to be chatting one-to-one. Flirting is banned, but some seem to flirt quite openly (and far more than I or any of my friends ever did). Being overly sexual is not allowed, but suggestive “members uploads” photos are fine. Appreciating them is fine, unless moderation decides your appreciation is too aggressive, then you get told off. 

Where is the red line, exactly?   

I think the major disparity came clear to me about two years ago when I linked to a diary post of mine that contained a flogging scene (no graphic sex, just an account of a sensual flogging) with our then-new leather flogger. It was an account of a real BDSM session (actually quite a hot long-distance kinky sext foursome with another couple, but I’d left the sex stuff out for this particular post) and so to me, it seemed quite relevant to the flogging post that I’d mentioned it in. I still maintain that compared to some of the accounts that I’ve seen posted on the boards, it absolutely should have been allowed. 

The main moderator removed it and told me, privately, not to link to erotica. Okay, fair enough that’s the rules, but then why is the KinkyMira blog appreciation thread allowed? Her posts are much more explicit than mine!

This is absolutely nothing against Mira, by the way — I am a regular reader of KinkyMira’s work and I know Mira reads me too. I’ve got absolutely nothing against Mira and I do feel as though she has been unfairly dragged through the mud with this whole debacle. Alas, I had to make an example of poor Mira in order to highlight the inconsistent ways in which the forum is run. 

But a rule cannot be arbitrary: a rule is a rule and it is supposed to be applied, consistently, to all members within a group.

The big one came for me recently after my lingerie bombshell shot — some forum members will know exactly what I’m talking about! My lovely friend Hannah was particularly appreciative and started advising me on Lovehoney lingerie that she felt would suit me, and I joked that I was touched that she was still thinking of me. Hannah called me a flirt and I denied it — I knew I might get into trouble if I said anything otherwise. 

The following morning Hannah had been reprimanded for “harassing” me. I was in disbelief: harassing me when?! I don’t feel harassed! Don’t I get a say in this?!

Then the Admiral showed me a screenshot of a post (in response to Hannah) that had been delayed pending moderation. I realised at that point that moderation had become increasingly draconian. 

Enough was enough. If moderation was coming for my friends, how long before it came for me too?

I had to get out of there whilst the water was still warm. 

So I left. No dramatic goodbye announcements, just gone. That was the plan — nothing that moderation could latch onto. 

For now, I’ve left my link on my forum profile. If it gets removed, then I’ve lost about 2% of my overall blog traffic — absolutely not enough to rewrite my whole blogging strategy for. Even then, the ones who remember me will search me, and they will find me, because my username is my brand name. Even the ones who want to find me, will. 

And what about the free sex toys? 

Before I left the forum, I consulted ChatGPT on the strategic value of stay vs go. What — besides my wonderful friends — did I gain from staying? What — besides my wonderful friends — would I lose if I left? 

I have an affiliate manager now, which means I don’t need to wait in line and ask to test free sex toys. I can either buy my own, with my commission, or I can contact my affiliate manager to arrange a free sample for a product review. 

I’m also not waiting for a personal Lovehoney Forum discount code to give to my friends — I asked my affiliate manager if I could get a discount code, and he made me one within 48 hours. 

The forum has simply served it’s time for me. It’s no longer of any real value for my work. 

Perhaps best of all, I’ve taken something from the forum from one of the surprisingly-rare situations in which somebody did choose to contact me through my blog. My partner in crime and the founder of Kinky Fuckery Science — my Admiral.

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