What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Ooh boy, this takes me back. Things were a lot rougher back then, a lot different. Better maybe in some ways, and yet worse in some others.

The first thing you should know is that, back then, I was in a pretty dark place mentally. I was being largely ignored at home; my grandmother was ill with Alzheimer’s DIsease and my mother was her full-time carer. I was her secondary carer, my father kept going out places because he couldn’t cope with the stress and my brother too was escaping here and there to go do drugs. My mother was a functioning alcoholic, and me? I didn’t have anything.

Above all else I was craving a sense of purpose and belonging something that I knew wasn’t going to inevitably end in a loss. I’d been Dominant before, but never a submissive. What would that be like?

It was not long after Master’s break up with his ex. We were both on a rebound and we were both sworn to being “just friends” , given that I knew his ex. I think something clicked in us almost right away, a sense of trust and acceptance.perhaps. It wasn’t going to be any more than that, until it was.

“There’s something you should probably know” I admit one starry October evening. Matster Levi looks to me.

“I’m into BDSM” I say. ‘Into BDSM’ felt like a huge overstatement for what I was really into, or had done. I’d been to a few clubs and Dominated a few guys. I’d been spanked, and caned, but I didn’t have enough experience to call myself ‘into’ BDSM. Curious about it? Sure. Into it? Questionable.

Dabbled a pinky toe, maybe.

Master was horrified at first, but after lots and lots of questions and answers, he eventually accepted it. What I didn’t anticipate was that he would want to try it. To try BDSM — with me.

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The bus journey to his house was relatively short, and yet, with my stomach in knots, it felt anything but. Over the river and through the trees, the route feels so familiar and yet somehow alien at the same time. I reach the roundabout and pressed the bell. Now, it’s time to walk.

I reached the estate agents at the end of his road and considered what I wanted to do next. It’s not too late, I can still turn back now.and there’ll be a bus in twenty minutes, I can rule this whole thing off as a bad idea and go home the way I came.

I keep walking.

I reach his front door and press the bell. Through the frosted glass I see him sweep down over the staircase to greet me. Nothing feels odd, or wrong, or different. He welcomes me inside and his father greets me. Nothing feels wrong, everything feels okay. I relax.

HIs father slaps the arm of his chair and disappears out of the room. When he returns, he zips up his jacket and says his farewells. He’s off to work and hell see me a little bit later, he says. We say our for-nows.

“So” Master says as he turns his attention to me, “what am I going to do with you?”. Oh.

“Anything you want, Master” I say. I keep my eyes to the floor. I know better than to look up.

“Good, because you’re my…?”.

“Your fucktoy and your cumslut, Master” I acquiesce. He seems to like that far too much.

“Good” he says, “up. Strip”. I do.

I stand naked in his bedroom with he dressed. I want to argue, and again I know better than to try. Sympathy isn’t reserved for instances like this. He does care about me, that much I do know, just not so much right now.

“You have something for me?” he asks.

“Coat pocket” I grin. He heads off to the coat rack and returns with the pair of pink, furry handcuffs.

“Let’s have some fun with these,” he says, locking one of the cuffs around my wrist, passing the chain through the metal headboard and attaching my other wrist to the empty cuff, “and then let’s have some fun with you.”

“What do you say if you want me to stop?”

“Red” I say.

“Good. Slow down?”

“Yellow”

“Excellent.”

“There’s green and beige too” I say, he looks at me quizzically. I hadn’t mentioned those to him before.

“Green is for if I’m okay. It’s like go, you know, you can carry on.”

“Oh, okay. Beige?”

“Beige is for if I think you’re being soft. It’s kind of… not really a safeword, more like a… ‘you’re lulling me off to sleep’ word” I grin, My smugness is promptly disrupted by a hot pain as he bites my nipple.

“You won’t be needing that one” he warns with my flesh between his teeth.

“No, Master. Sorry, Master” I cry out.

He enjoys me like this for the next hour, spanking my ass, slapping my thighs, teasing me and torturing me for his leisure. Part of me wonders if I’ve made a mistake, part of me doesn’t want to give up. It feels good. Euphoric. Freeing.

Finally.

“There’s one part of you I haven’t used yet” he says. Oh shit. This is it. My virginity.

I feel his hand on my jaw as he pushes himself into my mouth. Phew.

Sucking cock is a little bit difficult when you’re flat on your back, but I try anyway. He pulls himself from me and my tongue chases him.

“So hungry” he laughs. I graze his cock with my teeth and he slaps my face. It’s a stern reminder of how little control I h ave right now.

“If I Iet you up, you’ll suck my cock until I cum. Do you understand?” he says. I agree.

He fucks my mouth and my throat, forcing me to accept him and take him in. Drool drips from my chin and he wipes it from my jaw and rubs it on my cheek. The messier I get, the more it seems to turn him on. I hate it and I love it in equal measure.

So this is how degradation feels.

“Fuck, I’m going to cum. Ready?” he whispers. I nod as best as I can do.

I feel him fill my mouth, coating my tongue in his seed and hitting the roof of my mouth. Instictively I swallow — I heard it’s the polite thing to do.

“Thankyou, Master” I whisper.

“Good girl” he replies. He beckons me to snuggle beneath the duvet beside him and I do.

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This happened nineteen years ago, and suffice to say a lot has changed since then. Two people who said they wouldn’t fall in love have fallen very much in love, got engaged, married and managed that for more than ten years. The relationship has changed, it’s been trial and error, testing out different dynamics and discovering that not just one style works for us. Our toy collection (and people collection!) got bigger, our playtimes changed, rules got added, rules got taken away. We had meetings upon meetings to find and agree what works for us. We found something in the end.

And as for my virginity?

“Me? I’m innocent!” I protest.

“That ship sailed long, long, long ago” he replies. I suppose he has a point.

That’s it from me for this post. Have you had you first kinky sex experience yet? Share your thoughts in the comments or read more of my 30 Days of Kink posts!

Just dipping your toe into the world of BDSM? Take a read of our FREE Guide To BDSM!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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