Many months ago, I was woken by a rattling of the bed.

“He’s is gaming again” I thought, but as I opened one sleepy eye, I realised that the only ‘joystick’ my husband was playing with was the one he normally keeps in his pants.

While I slept, my husband was masturbating.

More recently, it was my turn. He’d gone straight to sleep and I had that lower ache that screams of insatiable need. I knew that I either needed to get off or get laid, but regardless, I needed something. After I was sure that he was blissfully asleep and unawares, I took matters into my own hands.

I have to be honest, it was far from the first time that I’ve gotten off while my husband sleeps. I have a high sex drive, and I don’t see a problem with it. I’m confident in who I am and able to function in between. Just because I’m a woman who likes sex more than once in a blue moon doesn’t make me a sex addict, far from it.

I knew something was off that fateful morning because he was quiet and he wouldn’t look at me. Master was cheerful with the dog and fine when he spoke with his colleagues, but he was much less responsive to me. I had an inkling why that might be.

“I was… disturbed last night” he said when he finally spoke.

I knew it was about that, I knew what I’d done the night before, and somehow, I just had a feeling.

After a lengthy discussion, what it came down to was the fact that I’d scolded him. He thought I had a problem with him masturbating, but really, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I have no objection at all to my husband masturbating, as long as he a) doesn’t leave a mess and b) knows that if I wake up and realise what he’s doing, there is a high chance that he won’t be flying solo for too much longer!

My problem had never been that my husband masturbates. My problem was that he’d been uninterested in sex for several days, only then for me to be woken up by him taking care of himself. I’d warned him that if he was going to confine a faithful, sensual woman like me to a life of cleaning and a monogamous, sexless marriage while he takes care of himself at night then I wouldn’t hang around for too much longer. Fair is fair – you get one life, and everybody deserves the best one!

There is absolutely no shame in your partner having sexual thoughts, sexual urges or taking care of themselves. In my time talking and writing about sex and BDSM, I’ve met many young, formerly married men who separated after their wife shamed them for masturbating. I myself have been on the receiving end of that shame, and I know how it hurts. Female masturbation is not purely for show as and when men want something to get off to, women have sexual wants, needs and urges, too. We’re also sexual beings!

On sources like Bustle, I’ve often seen masturbation referred to as “scratching an itch”, and to be honest, when we think of it like that, then that’s exactly what it is. Broken down, an itch is just an irritated nerve and scratching it provides a counter-stimulation that soothes the itch sensation. When we masturbate, we react to an overstimulated nerve with a counter-sensation that soothes it. Masturbation then is nothing wrong or sinful. If we shame our partners for masturbating then perhaps we should be shamed each time we scratch an itch, blow our nose or get rid of hiccups too. Why? Because those too are all just reactions to irritated nerves, and none of those are shameful!

If you catch your partner masturbating in bed, I urge you not to overreact. There is a high chance that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and for so long that you have plenty of love, sex and chemistry then you have absolutely nothing to fear. Next time, please don’t shame your partner. Instead, handle the situation the hot and sexy way – ask them to share what got them going, and then help them out. It’ll strengthen your connection, blow their mind and make you unforgettable for days to come!

That’s it from me for this post! Have you or your partner ever been awoken by your partner mastubating? How did you handle the situation? Leave a comment below or read more relationships & sex posts from me!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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