Here at Ten Shades & Me, we’d love to believe that our readers have enough common sense to know that if you put part A into part B without some form of contraception in place, part C (whatever that might be!) may well be on the way. We want to believe that you weren’t asleep during sex ed class, but for the sakes of our butts and our reputation within the BDSM community, let’s recap over the basics.
Safe Sex In BDSM
If you and your partner (romantic or otherwise!) have unprotected sex, there is a good chance that you could wind up with an unplanned pregnancy. That’s absolutely fine with us if you want to involve some kinky sex into the conception of your future family (maybe leave that out of those future conversations, though!), but if you’re not planning on raising a child together, this is something that you need to consider.
If kinky sex is your thing, there’s actually a slightly higher risk of pregnancy, purely because a powerful orgasm can increase your chances of falling pregnant. It’s all to do with hormones and chemical changes within the body, but if a bit of kink is your thing and you’re not planning to turn your Red Room into a nursery quite yet, you might want to make sure those extra measures are in place!
Get Tested, Stay Rested
If you have multiple partners or regularly change your partner, it’s imperative that you and your partner are tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections & Diseases. We know, the cotton swab where you least want the cotton swab is far from a pleasant experience, but it’s far better that than the alternative. Ideally, you and your partner both need to be tested before you begin playing together.
If you already have a Sexually Transmitted Disease such as herpes or HIV/AIDs, it’s extremely important that you communicate this honestly to your partner. The BDSM community are very strict about the importance of communication and consent, and not telling a partner something as important as this would be considered completely unforgivable.
Slip & Slide
Never, ever be afraid of lube. If you need lube, use lube – it’s what it’s there for! Lube was made for safe, satisfying, enjoyable sex. It doesn’t need to take pride of place on your bedside. Ours stays in the bottom drawer of a tallboy, right until we need it!
We strongly advise you to look for a water-based, fragrance-free, colourant-free, paroben-free lubricant for your sexual exploits, something like my beloevd favourite, Pjur Woman Nude! Flavoured lubricants are okay, but be mindful for female partners as they can bring about yeast infections.
Finally, when it comes to anal sex and anal plugs, you can never use enough lube! The anal passage doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina does, so you’ll need to provide plenty of assistance. If things start to feel a bit dry and sticky during sex, you can add some more lube. Alternatively, you can add some simple water to loosen things up!
Keep It Clean
Dildos, vibrators, strokers.. they’re all fun, but after use, they’re also kind of messy. Whilst you can get away with cleaning them with simple soap and water, we like to go the extra mile with a specially made sex toy cleaner like Lovehoney’s sex toy cleaner, which is actually very affordable and simple to use. If you have family or prying eyes around, be sure to find a designated place where you accessories can air-dry after they’ve been washed!
If you have multiple partners, always wrap a sex toy in a condom prior to use. Treat your toys like you would treat your penis and you really can’t go wrong!
Top tip: Some glass and silicone sex toys have the bonus of being dishwasher safe. Whilst we don’t advise you pop your toys in with the dishes with the in-laws around, know that you at least have that option in-between times! If you’re daring enough, pop your toys on the top rack of your machine.
We hope you found this guide helpful and informative. Don’t forget. It doesn’t matter what kind of sex you have – consent is still the key!
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If you’ve made it this far, congratulations, you’re now emotionally invested. Go ahead and worship me properly. My writing chocolate won’t buy itself, you know? 😉
