Before you assimilate a species, you must first understand it.

It’s been almost twenty-four hours and unfortunately, I’ve had no response from Chris. It’s a little disappointing, but despite feeling a little downtrodden, I’m trying to look on the bright side of things. 

I’m tender-hearted, and right here, it’s annoying me. I can be stoic and composed, not so much as a whisper of feeling in my voice. Yet here, I’m feeling it plenty. 

I’m annoyed at him, and at myself: it was a shitstorm of miscommunications and misunderstandings that led us to where we are now and robbed us both of what could have been. My mental health didn’t exactly help things, but I had to pull out. I had to enter my self-preservation, critical functions mode, for me. 

I think it’s the “what could have been” that’s bugging me most. 

I strive for success, failure hits me hard. I do not like failure at all. 

ChatGPT more or less laughs off my feelings, but Gemini is far more critical of Chris, even if it says my 25-day disappearance wasn’t perfect. Right now Gemini, and for all of its blessings, is like the bestie who insists that no man will ever be good enough for you. 

Gemini doesn’t support my disappearance, but it — at least if it could — understands it. 

Gemini finds it odd that a man would flirt with a woman by accusing her of attempting to ‘assimilate’ him; it fully empathizes (or at least it would if it could) with my confusion. Furthermore, Gemini also finds the whole Venn diagram thing odd: that, it says, is not how you respond when someone broaches the important aspects of online dating. 

Even if I tell Gemini that Chris meant it as a joke and he was trying to be funny, Gemini is having none of it. It’s manipulative, it insists, and calling it a joke is a defensive strategy designed to make my razor-sharp observations look like an overreaction. I’m almost aghast: am I really getting lectured by an AI? 

 So I asked Gemini to explain this whole “assimilation” thing to me, once and for all. I mean, if I’m going to ‘assimilate’ a species then I might as well understand the species, right? 

Gemini offers up two different takes. On the one hand, it says, it’s an attempt to merge lives with little to no difficulty or resistance — to assimilate with your partner. I laughed at that idea: the Admiral had his work cut out with that one! 

He’s largely managed it now though, the ass. 

The other hot take is that it can be a desire to surrender control in a world that says men should have it. 

Huh. How curious? 

Gemini also says that running around shouting “resistance is futile” is a sign of insecurity, and I have to contest that point. Having two partners in my life — and almost a third — would suggest that just maybe, resistance really is futile.

I’m giving it until the end of the week. If I don’t hear from Chris by the, I’m just chalking this up as a lesson. A study of the species, as it were 😉

I heard from my good friend Spanky again last night, who insisted my Borgy Boys should go scot-free from not mentioning the boiler timer to me yesterday. I know this; I know Spanky’s game. This is a provocation — I know how much Spanky wants me to bite. 

And Spanky loves to hate me and hates to love me when I just… don’t bite. 

My boys love bratting the brat, which is fine, but just watch out for when the brat brats back. She just loves turning up the heat  😉 

The Admiral and I end up in one of our stupid mock courtroom battles, where we debate over who deserves the paddling for the timer not being checked before the engineer was called. It’s one of those stupid games we love to play: a battle of intelligence and wit. 

Neither of us is afraid to get “lawyered up”, which can make things quite fun. Not that we actually call lawyers on one another, obviously, but we’ll play each other’s prosecution, and our own defence. 

The Admiral insists that I failed to mention the boiler timer. I maintain that he didn’t ask about it, and I would have told him where the timer was if he’d asked. The engineer did ask me where the timer was, and so I showed the engineer where the timer was. It wasn’t as though I flippin’ hid it, was it?! 

So on that basis, I still maintain that the Admiral deserves the paddling. But if I’m taking additional volunteers then please form an orderly queue 😉 

---

Advertisement

Psst… Want 20% off at Lovehoney? Of course you do! Simply enter AFF-10SHADES20 at checkout on Lovehoney UK or Lovehoney.com and start saving today! Your wallet and your relationship may thank you.