Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

Hmm.. you know the answer to this question is a bit like asking me if I like spicy food. I don’t like spicy food, but then I also find food without a pinch of chilli or a crack of black pepper to be incredibly bland.

Okay, so, remember in my last ‘30 Days Of Submission’ post, I talked about starting off as a Domme? I’ve long felt that was in me. I like caring for people, I like nurturing people, protecting people and guiding them to their potential, but does that make me a Dominant? I don’t think so, that just makes me a caring person.

I think when it comes to switching, it’s a lot like being submissive because there are different answers to everything, and if I were to complete two BDSM checklists as a submissive and as a Dominant, my answers to both would be at least somewhat different. Just like how there’s no cookie-cutter Dominant or submissive, so there isn’t a cookie-cutter switch, either.

I think in this day and age, the idea and perception of what a Dominant woman (or a Dominatrix) is has become quite toxic in a way. Not every Dominant woman is clad in latex or PVC: I used to dominate an ex-submissive in jeans, a t-shirt and kitten heel boots, but it was the sound of my boots as I paced up and down the room that really used to make the poor guy whimper! I don’t need to peg anyone to Top them, and I don’t need to keep them on a leash or make them to lick my boots or the rim of my toilet seat, either. I have no interest in doing any of that and I get really quite angry at these Dominatrixes who appear on TV and do that because sometimes, it’s all just for show.

So do I like switching? Sometimes, but perhaps with a few caveats.

First, I need to get along with the person that I’m Topping; we have to click in and outside of BDSM. I don’t mind a sense of humour, but I don’t tolerate rudeness, insults (unless I’m unleashing my sadistic side, in which case I’ll just laugh) or laziness. I have things to do and people who respect my time – I’m not going to get mad and punish a submissive for not turning up, or turning up inappropriately dressed or whatever, it’s childish and immature and we’re all adults here. My ex but one before my husband (who was submissive) intentionally ruined a game of 8-ball pool so that I would punish him once. He didn’t even try to take a bad shot, he just hit the coloured balls with the cue and nearly hooked out the lights a couple of times because he was so intent on ruining the game to get me to punish him. I didn’t feel like punishing him and I didn’t feel like he deserved to be punished, either. It’s topping from the bottom at it’s finest and I won’t stand for that – I know! A brat saying that, but hey, you can kind of find more on that here 😉

Secondly, I have quite a proud, strong Mommy Domme side to me. I’m into MD/lb (I have also been in a MD/lg relationship before) and I like caring for my partners; I like to humiliate, but I like to nurture also.

Finally, I’m not always Domme, and this was what killed my MD/lg relationship: I’m not just a kinky person, I’m a blogger, a housewife, a dog & fish mum, a swimmer, a wife and a family woman, too. I’m a human being with other hobbies and interests too, and unfortunately, experience has taught me that some people forget that Dominant partners are people, and people don’t always want to do kinky things. Setting a daily task? I can do that! Telling you how to run your day because you’ll play video games all day in your pyjamas if I don’t? That’s not for me. I want a responsible partner, not an adult-sized child.

You’ll note too that I talk about submissive partners, yet I am submissive to my husband. I am “poly-single”, which means to say that I’m not actively looking for a poly partner, but I am open-minded if the right one comes along – that applies to Dominants and submissives alike!

So am I switch? Do I switch? Then yes, absolutely, but really, a lot of it depends.

That’s it from me for this post. Do you switch? Leave a comment below read more of my 30 Days Of Submission posts!

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun,

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