Originally published.September 2020. Last updated November 2023.
Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
Goodness, I have such a mixed bag of experiences that I couldn't possibly really begin to really compare them all, but let's take it from the top:
First there was E, a demure, subsmissive girl. E was cute, funny, wanted a woman to protect her and take care of her, and I wanted to be that woman. One of the things that I learned very early on was that when it came to women, I would always assume a more Dominant role, and I loved that, I loved being the protector and the nurturer. E and I ended after a string of particularly aggressive texts in which she said her parents now knew about me and that I was disgusting for hitting on other women (even though she was the one who messaged me), and told me never to contact her again. My guess is she'd had a change change of heart and needed a reason to end it.
Next there was J. I've never forgotten the first photo I saw of J, doey blue eyes, flawless skin and pink lips in a beige fur hooded jacket, she went by the name of "FurHoodedBabe". and to me, that suited her perfectly. J was always down for involving boys in our chats (without asking me first), but being young and inexperienced, I'd be fine with that. J was always asking me to buy her a fur hooded coat, asking me if I'd kiss her or make love to her in a fur hooded coat (and then asking if I'd buy of for her first) and I just clicked that something wasn't quite right. J wasn't interested in me, she just wanted somebody who would spoil her and she wasn't being particularly faithful to me, ether. Realising that I was being played for a fool, I ended my relationship with J.
Next was P, P was the first time that I was submissive. P was a "love at first sight" scenario between the son of one of my mother's friends and me. Long story short, he'd gone to talk to his mother at exactly the same time as I'd gone to talk to mine, while they were both in a video call. We got one another's mobile numbers and began texting almost right away. P was heavily into vampires and roleplay but, seeing himself as an immortal vampire, I got bored. In the end, P and I both moved on to different things.
C was my first male submissive. A soldier, C was into some extreme stuff., I guessed in part because he had seen and was used to extremes, and he wanted to be pushed. I enjoyed humiliating C and we talked for a while but, having felt that he may have been far too extreme for what I was experienced in or really looking for, we parted ways.
After C was R, a teacher. I loved to humilate R and point out to him that I was the same age as his students. I really liked to play on the rogue student role and remind him of the things that he wanted to do. R was into butt-plugs, and ended up plugged because of me on more than one occasion. R and I lasted for several months but parted on good terms when I terminated the relationship to pursue a more submissive role for myself.
Next was I, I and I were romantically involved for my longest relationship at that time, 2.5 years. For the most part, I and I didn't talk about our darker interests. A Muslim man from Pakistan, I knew how much any tastes in BDSM and sex outside of marriage would be frowned upon. We roleplayed and had webcam sex a few times, but after his mother refused to allow us to marry, we never met and so the relationship fell apart.
M was an emotional affair. At the time, I was young and naive and didn't know that such a thing existed, as far as I knew, if part A didn't enter part B and nobody touched anywhere they shouldn't, then no crime had been committed. M and I had some pretty frank and honest chats not long after I got married, and sometimes we talked about what might happen if we ever met, too. Once my husband caught wind and I realised that this conversation wasn't as innocent as I thought, the death knell rang out on that friendship.
After M was T. T was a friend with my husband's permission, somebody that I could talk about kinks and fantasies too and explore them with, all with my husband's blessing. Keen not to make the mistakes that I'd made with M, I was completely transparent about my friendship with T, and that made my husband happier. T was always submissive to me until he started calling me "Little Wolf". "Little Wolf" had on me the same effect that "little girl" has on a lot of submissive women. I felt safe, protected, loved and under the care of my two men, I shone. My relationship with T ended though when jealousy took hold. He wanted more of me and would speak badly of Mr W in order to get it. Unwilling and unable to give him more than what he desired, the relationship fizzled out.
Next was A, another submissive girl. A wanted to serve me, but she wanted to serve my husband, too. A was big on Mommy and Daddy Dom/me dynamics, and loved rules, routines and tasks. A was very sweet, loving and sensitive, but she wanted to play more often than I could possibly give. Due to our incompatibilities, we ended our friendship.
Finally was R. R and I were both married and knew that we shouldn't have connected, but we did, and we connected well. R was almost without limit when it came to talking about fantasies, and one of my biggest weaknesses, R liked to roleplay, too, particularly with me in a submissive role. I was back and forth a few times between a desire to explore and my love for roleplay, and my desire and need to be faithful. R was always understanding, which in some ways, only made it worse. R was too local and emotions began to creep in to the point that I was almost ready to throw my marriage away to sate my curiosities. R was the ultimate devil's advocate, but I made the difficult decision to walk away for the sake of my marriage. I do miss him, but it's much safer this way.
My first physical BDSM relationship was with Wolfie and.. my oh my.. memories do serve me well! There wasn't the romance back then that we have now, we were supposed to be fuck buddies and both move on like nothing happened. At the time, Wolfie wasn't looking for anything long term, and after one fateful house party that led to a short relationship, we broke up, for the time being..
After our break up, I met with N. N and I talked passionately about my love for latex gloves, and, both sharing this passion, we agreed to meet for a drink. During our conversation, N made me go into the ladies and place latex gloves in my underwear, an action which I was uncomfortable with but, being eager to please, did anyway. After this meeting and having acquired my address, N had about £200 of latexwear sent to my address, none of which had been measured to fit me, and none of which did. Freaked out by this experience, I returned the attire and formally ended the relationship, and almost my presence in the kink community entirely.
Feeling more confident, I met G, a submissive "switch" from Bristol, living and studying in Cornwall. The problem with G was that he told me he was a switch, but short of about three small incidents, there just weren't any signs. He intentionally ruined a game of pool to get me to punish him, mentioned marriage on our second date and called me "Mistress", even when we were out in public. Conversation quickly became boring and predictable and the only night we spent together was so lacking in passion that I ended up pretending to have an upset stomach in order to ruin the mood without hurting his feelings. Ending our relationship was no easy feat, and it took the threat of a restraining order to convince him that I really was serious about us not having a happy ever after together. The last time I checked, he's now happily engaged, and possibly even married, so I guess somebody accepted his proposal, after all.
After G was O. O was, dare I say it, a bit of a rebound fling. Still hurting over my break-up with Wolfie, I just wanted to get revenge and show him that I'd be fine (NB. I really wasn't) without him. O shared my love of stargazing, and we stayed up many nights to watch Mars and Venus rise. O was more of a switch than G was, and was responsible for my fond memories of being tied down in a Transit van and still the best cathartic spanking that I've ever received, having broken it to me that he was formally ending our relationship so that he could return to Ireland. After that spanking, I didn't want him to leave..
After O, I was back with my Wolfie. That all happened when he told me that his partner was no longer really texting him and had been talking to her ex, and I revealed to him that O was going back to Ireland. We shared a kiss on the bus stop and.. well, the rest is history.
I think the difference with me and Wolfie, aside from the fact that we're (obviously!) married, is that we shared a connection. I'd push Wolfie, and he'd push back. At the same time though, if I said "I want more freedom in this area", he lets me. Wolfie and I have had 14 glorious years of learning and growing together (apart from G and O!) and that's not to be sniffed at.
While we've been together, there was also Z. Z was a gaming friend of Wolfie's and a kink friend of mine. Z was interested in submission, but also reserved to the point that his timid nature got in the way of him taking the leap, no matter how often and how gently I tried coax him. Apart from a handful of Skype sessions, we failed to materialise our play sessions beyond a "drink and chat" scenario.
Last and by certainly no means least is the only other one I'm willing to name because he has a lot to do with my blog, and that's Bill. Bill and I have been friends for years, but took the plunge one day to meet up at Bristol Kite Festival, owing to Bill's love (obsession? :P) for kites. Bill and I have what can best be defined as a "flirtationship", a strong connection with one another, but given that neither of our partners would be happy for us to see where our friendship leads, we have never pursued that any further. There was one occasion on which Wolfie and Bill took great delight in humiliating me over drinks in a restaurant, but aside that, things have remained fairly tame. Because Bill has kidney disease and a partner with disabilities, above all else, we both have a good understanding of kink with disabiliities, along with our shared interests in gardening, cooking and of course, blogging!
If they have anything in common, I think that all if my previous relationships involved a level of care. I don't just play with or engage with people for the sake of it, I like to form personal and intimate connections and I think that my relationship history reflects that.
That's it from me for this post! Have you had many BDSM relationships? How do they compare? Give this post a like, share, or leave a comment below. Alternatively, click here for more 30 Days Of Submission posts!
Until next time,
Stay safe & have fun,
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