Ten Shades & Me

Real lives. Real relationships. Real kink.

A woman kneels with her head bowed and her hands tied with red rope strung from above her. Immage suggests bondage, BDSM.

30 Days Of Submission: Day 9 Structure, Rules And Rituals Aplenty

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules, and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

For me, rules and rituals are actually probably one of the biggest things I crave as a submissive. Not so that I can break them, because to me, the rules you that have, you should want to follow. Rules make me feel safe, they make me feel cared for and protected. They also tell me how I can please, as a submissive.

A lot of the rules that a lot of BDSM relationships have, we don’t. For example, I am allowed to talk to other men without asking fpr permission first, and I am allowed to touch myself whenever I want to, provided it’s not ahead of a planned session. We found that the more rules we had, the more rules we forgot about over time. For that reason, it was best to only have the ones that we would remember, the ones we regarded as most important – kind of our fundamental values.

a stock image of a Mistress/slave BDSM contract.

When it comes to limits, perhaps the biggest two are not harming myself and not saying c*nt or t*at. Matt hates a lady saying them, and it’s rubbed off on me to the point that even I shudder if I hear it now as well. There are other rules that I have to follow as well, like not hiding my feelings and not staying up past 2AM. Asides that though, I pretty much have free rein.

We do have an unwritten ritual in that I make teas and coffees every morning. It’s no elaborate ritual, but I do get funny looks if I forget to make his coffee. We also have rituals when we do have a session. In this regard, rituals are extremely beneficial for highlighting the beginning of a BDSM session.

Do I wish we had more rules and rituals? Perhaps, maybe. For whatever reason, I find peace and freedom in some loss of control. From fitness plans to tasks, being a blogger and a housewife can be stressful work. Just sometimes, it might be nice to have something to make it a little more interesting.

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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One response to “30 Days Of Submission: Day 9 Structure, Rules And Rituals Aplenty”

  1. […] often recited mantra in our home) and so punishment is often not regarded as necessary. I have my rules and I do my utmost not to break them. When they are broken, there is usually a good reason why, […]

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