Hello Readers,

It's been some time since I've done one of these posts but today presented an opportunity and so I thought I would. Today is very much an impromptu session - it's date night but neither Matt nor I are feeling like being romantic!

Today, while pottering around and trying to keep my mind distracted from what is to come, I was listening to some music. Music that puts me into the "zone" particularly, and that got me thinking about music and BDSM. Sure it's important for some people (less so for some others), but what music do kinky people choose for a scene, and how do you decide?

First, I want to be absolutely clear with you that there really is no right or wrong choice of music, and what is right for one person (or partnership) will be wrong for another. You may even find something works one time, and not some time else. Whatever music you decide on, don't give up if it doesn't feel right the first time!

When Matt and I first got into a BDSM relationship together, music in a play session was something that didn't even cross our minds. Many of our scenes were quite rushed, and many of them were about getting naked, doing what we wanted to do and rushing our clothes back on before Matt's father got home. Now that we have our own place, though, music in a BDSM scene is something that we can finally enjoy.

The first BDSM club we ever attended played party or chart music in their dungeon, and I experienced great shame in being flogged to Justin Timberlake's Sexyback that one time! In our own time, however, we've found piano, soft jazz or even meditation music to be particularly beneficial for us. Of course, that's just our tastes!

So, how should you decide?

Some Do's & Don'ts Of Choosing Music

For A BDSM Scene

1. Do Choose Music That You Like

Just because piano music worked for us, doesn't mean it will for you. Piano music may make you feel sleepy, or melancholic, or even bored - none of which are conducive to a good BDSM session! Maybe you'd prefer rock or heavy metal? Perhaps a certain music genre does make yoy want to engage in BDSM play? Great! Go for it.

2. Don't Choose Music You'd Karaoke To

It might sound funny and insignificant if you start singing along to that one awesome piece, but for your partner it may seem like you're enjoying the music far more than your time together. Some people can go into quite a deep headspace in their BDSM activities, and it can cause hurt feelings if you start rocking out to the music instead. Enjoy your music by all means, but not too much.

3. Do Consider Music With No Lyrics

The best way to avoid accidentally singing along? Opt for music with no words at all! You could try instrumental music, soundtracks, choral or tribal music, even sound effects or ASMR! There are no hard and fast rules, so whatever works for you, works for you.

4. Don't Dominate The Playlist

So Electro-pop puts you in the mood for BDSM and that's really great, but what about your partner? If you're in a relationship, be sure to compromise on the playlist or take it in turns to choose the music genre. Alternatively, find something that works for you both.

5. Do Consider Playing In Silence

Here's a little subby confession: do you realise what a mindfuck it is when all you can hear is your partner's footsteps? Paticularly with some sensory deprivation, believe me, your sub will be listening very, very closely to figure out where in the room you are!. For the sadists among, what's not to love about a little psychological BDSM play?

6. Don't Lose Hope

Just like I said above, don't be surprised if it doesn't work the first time, or the first ten times! Sooner or later your music choices will work for you, and when they do, you will know, Laugh it off, acknowledge the faux pas, and try something else instead. It's okay not to be perfect.

7. Do Mix It Up

Just as you won't want ever scene to follow the same exact structure, you may also find that the music that worked in one scene, won't in another. For example, you may find heavy rock music great for an intense S&M sessio, but soft meditation music better for a rope and wax session. Think carefully about your music, about what the atosphere you want to create.

8. Don't Abandon Volume

If the music is too loud or too quiet, it can ruin your chances of reaching the elusive Topspace or subspace. Be sure to adjust the volume - as well as the genre - to what you need it to be.

9. Do Think About "Before" And "After"

If you only play together then this won't be such a big deal, but if you and your partner make a whole evening of your BDSM activities - for example, dinner beforehand and aftercare (and possibly sleep) afterwards - you may want to consider music to play for those times too. Why not set a scene during dinner or have some soft lullaby music playing during aftercare? Remember, you make the rules!

10. Don't Forget About The Duration

So you've assembled the perfect kinky pkaylist, but how long is it? Is it as long as the session you had planned? Nothing is worse than planning your music out, only to then feel like you have to rush things along because the music is going faster than you are. Our playlist is almost five hours long, with just over half of it being soothing classical music for aftercare.

5 Tracks We Enjoy For A BDSM Scene

1. Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata

Sometimes I call this piece "Daddy;s Whiskey Music", because it's the one that he listens to and enjoys while he sips a double bourbon whiskey before we play. He says it relaxes him and brings him into the evening.

2. Tantra Masters - Guru (Yoga Music)

I really love this piece for winding down from the day and getting my breathing under control, and for getting into that space, where my focus is on him and my service to him. He normally has me kneel in front of the tall mirror and wait, so that he can see all sides of me.

3. Kehlani - Gangsta

If you understand Harley Quinn, then you'll know how much she loves Joker. She openly says that she would die for him, pushing him to experience something that he is not comfortable with - unconditional love. While Matt doesn't reject love, he and I both have damaged parts that we put together to make something truly special;. For me this song is about the way he loves and accepts me wholly, and how I surrender myself to Him in return, out of love, acceptance and trust. It's about the partnership that we have.

4. Danny Elfman - Bliss

Let's go for a bit of anchoring now. This soundtrack plays durng the flogging scene in Fifty Shades Of Grey, which unfortunately isn't anywhere to be seen on Youtube, but that my husband seemingly remembered and picked out for future use. This was one of the many ways he likes to have his own fun with me, but despite him being a tormenting ass delightful person at the best of times, I've kind of forgiven him for it anyway. Basically, if I was going to have my fun in calling him my Ten Shades then he was going to have his fun in flogging me to the same music that Ana gets flogged to. Trust me here, she gets the gentler treatment!

5. The Weeknd - Where You Belong

Similar to the above, but this one doesn't have a movie scene. Sometimes gets called "The Breeding Song" because... reasons. It's sweet in a way I think, or maybe I'm just trying to fool myself into believing it!

That's it from me for this post! Do you use music in your BDSM play? What's your favourite genre? Give this post a like, share, or leave a comment below. Alternatively, click here for Get Ready With Me posts!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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