Originally published May 2020. last updated October 2023.
There is a general consensus in many BDSM communities that brats are bad news. Indeed while there are numerous examples of bad brats there are also as many submissives who display good - or at least more desirable - bratty behaviour, and they deserve to be respected and loved. Today we'll be discussing the difference between the two, and how to handle them if you should chance upon one!
What Is A Brat?
A brat essentially is a playful, naughty submissive. They do not want control (no matter how much they may say otherwise!) and ultimately want you to demonstrate your ability to handle them, as their Dominant partner. If a submissive is bratty to you, take heed - this is just their way of flirting!
Brats typically don't mean any harm in what they do. There could be a number of reasons or causes for bratty behaviour, and as a Dominant you will need to be ready and willing to explore those further. Sometimes I'm silly and playful for the sakes of being silly and playful, and other times I'm silly and playful because I'm really feeling anxious and confused and I'm trying to mask it by appearing "normal", or maybe I'm feeling ignored and forgotten. Of course, it takes time and knowing your partner to know when something is possibly wrong.
What Kind Of Dominant Would Want A Brat?
Any Dominant with a good sense of humour! There is a strong misconception that Dominants need to be strict and in control at all times, but my favourite kind of Dominant has a wicked sense of humour. They can mock you, taunt you, tease you and torture you - all at the same time! Those are absolutely my favourite kind of sadists. Bonus points if they're a biter, too!
I Think I Might Be A Brat, How Do I Know If I Am One?
Do you like to be playful in your submission? Do you like to be cheeky and torment your Dominant in a fun way? Congratulations! You passed the test. You're probably a brat!
Good Brats VS Bad Brat
The difference between good brats and bad brats is really about intention. Good brats want to make you smile and warm your beart, whereas a bad brat's intentions are really all about themselves. I'm going to go into some of the things a good brat and a bad brat might do in just a moment, but first, a little backstory:
When I started my journey into BDSM, I started off as a Domme. I wasn't out to bully people, but I'm a natural leader and I wanted to continue to use that ability to lead and care for people, and to give them what they need and want. In that time a young man approached me and he used to make me laugh a lot, which made me warm to owning him as my submissive. Unfortunately after that, things quickly turned awry.
Soon after my agreeing to own him, he would call me names like "wench" to get me to punish him. He would pick and choose his punishments, or do the punishments he hated poorly. He would want to meet up, torment me for the weeks before and then cancel our meeting at the last moment. In the end, I got so frustrated with him that I had to let him go. It was exhausting and depressing for me and I knew that I was being manipulated almost as soon as the problems began.
So without further ado, let's talk about some things that a good brat vs a bad brat might do, and some of the behaviours and warning signs to watch out for:
- Wants to make their Dominant partner smile
- A friendly, playful disposition
- A good sense of humour, witty - may use affectionate pet names (Fluffy for Dom etc)
- Can be rambunctious, enjoys play-fighting and wrestling
- Flirts A LOT, particularly with their Dominant partner
- Resists initially (usually playfully), but will do as they are told... eventually!
- May enjoy "funishments"
- May have a strong emotional reaction to punishment. May see being punished as excessive, or as a sign of their failures or lack of worth
- Pulls pranks in a fun and limited way - Goofy pictures in your lunchbox or whoopee cushion on Dom's favourite chair, for example
- May struggle with communicating needs but can be coaxed out of their shell with patience and empathy
- Self-centred & manipulative, disrespectful. Makes hurtful "jokes" a lot
- May intentionally try to anger you, equates an angry Dominant to a "good" Dominant
- May want to get get into a physical altercation with the Dominant with no regard for boundaries or safety
- Wants to be punished, and will do anything to get punished
- Refuses to carry out punishments, apart from the ones that they enjoy
- May perform badly at a task to get you angry, thus leading to you to punishing them further/how they wanted
- Continues an unwanted behaviour, even when asked to stop
- Bad at communication and expects a Dominant partner to "know" their needs. Wastes the Dominant's time
- May want rough, angry "hate sex" and will try to provoke a reaction in order to get it
- Tops from the bottom, tries to tell the Dominant what to do and questions the Dominant partner if they don't do what the submissive says
- Refuses to accept accountability, even when they've been proven to be in the wrong
If you find yourself engaging with or owning a bad brat, then it is fully understandable that you may want the behaviour to stop. Address the problem and, if it continues, consider ending your dynamic. BDSM is supposed to be fun for everyone, not just for the brat!
Important Safety Stuff
An added note on bad brats: if your partner harms, damages or threatens to harm or damage any of the following in order to get you to play with or punish them, end they dynamic immediately and call the police if necessary:-
- You, your pets, your family or friends
- Your property
- Your career
A Guide To Handling Brats
Now that we've discussed good brats vs bad brats, let's discuss owning a brat, and a few punishment techniques that actually work.
If you find yourself owning a "good brat", you probably know that just sometimes, even good brats can push. They can become hyperactive and giggly and just need a little bit of calming down. They aren't inherently bad brats, but they certainly know how to toe that very fine line!
Stop And Think, Don't Overreact
The first thing to do when dealing with bratty behaviour is to get to the cause of the issue. Encourage communication and explain that while you may like having fun, brattiness isn't the way to get get what we want. If your brat is feeling ignored and forgotten, then punishing them is likely to make them lash out from a place of anger. Instead, allow them to be close or invite them to join in to the conversation more. If they're looking for some luvvin', decide if you fancy some bedroom action, or instruct them how to pleasure themselves for you. Bratty behaviour does not always need to be punished, though it does need to be corrected before it (or the cause of it) gets out of hand.
Why A Spanking Doesn't Always Work
If your brat is craving some playtime then it's important to understand that a sound spanking might not be the best punishment for their behaviour - you're giving them exactly what they want! If you want a punishment that quells the unwanted behaviour then you need to take the time to find that something that works. Instead, stow your twitchy palm and read on.
Teach Them With "TEWTS"
In the BDSM community, TEWTS is a seemingly rarely mentioned acronym among educators, which is unfortunate because it's a great way to tame and train a brat (particularly one who is really trying their luck!). TEWTS helps to put a brake on things, it avoids potential misunderstandings and gives your submissive a chance to communicate if there's something else going on. To help you understand, TEWTS stands for:
- Tell - Tell your submissive that the behaviour is annoying or unacceptable. This is also a good chance to ask them if there is something they want ie, the cause of the unwanted behaviour
- Explain - Explain why the behaviour is annoying or unacceptable to you
- Warn - Warn your submissive of the consequences of carrying on
- Threaten - If they still don't stop, you need to issue a threat: "If you ... one more time then I will... ". They've had their chips now; this isn't fun for you and it won't be fun for them
- Spank - Or punish, however you feel is appropriate. It's your call, and they have been warned!
Some Punishments For Brats (That Aren't Spanking!)
- Time out - Time out works because you are disengaging your brat from your time and company. You are teaching them that, for so long as they are acting like they are, you don't want anything to do with them. At the cost of being ostracised from the sense of security that their Dominant offers them, most brats will buck up their ideas, and fast!
- Give them something to do - One of the biggest causes of bratty behaviour is that they want your time and attention. They might feel ignored and unwanted, and so acting up a little is a great way to get noticed. Yes, it is manipulative, but most brats don't mean any harm by it (as long as they act up within reason). Acknowledge them and accept that the bratty behaviour might be their way of seeking your attention, then give them something to do. Most brats will be all too happy to scarper off and follow their Dominant's orders!
- Write Lines - It's an oldie, but a goldie. Write For Me was one of my favourites for this, and it allows you to add randomised capital letters and added lines for every mistake made. I set one play partner 25 lines for calling me "little miss" - he ended up making handfuls of mistakes under time constraints, and wrote 237 lines for me instead! Writing with opposite hands (left instead of right, or vice versa) can be fun, too. Alternating colours can be challenging, and I once made a submissive write with scented gel pens. Some of them can be very sweet and nauseating. Cruel? Yes. Fun? Absolutely! Apparently, "bubblegum" gel pens are the worst 😉
- Kneeling - Just the act of kneeling in itself can really quieten a brat because they are no longer at their Dominant's level, and it's hard to keep mouthing off to someone who has put you that much closer to the floor. You can have your brat kneel on rice or dried peas, if you like, if your brat has really upset you that much. They'll be sure to think next time!
- Forced orgasms - Maybe your brat wants sex, but they have some rough sex in mind and you're too tired or not in the mood? Now is your time to up the anté! Throw in two or three forced orgasms and leave them feeling sensitive and exhausted. Wand vibrators combined with bondage are a popular method of choice for this and guaranteed to leave even the most wilful submissive unable to resist!
- Ruined orgasms - Ruined orgasms are both intense and painful for many people. If your submissive likes humiliation play, consider a ruined orgasm instead by withdrawing any stimulation just as they reach their peak. It will be play with their mind as they realise you've stopped, but they will lose control and helplessly orgasm anyway - the ultiumate mindfuck. They'll still get their orgasm, it just won't be the rewarding experience that they were hoping for, because you don't reward brats. Worse still, they won't even be able to make up for it afterwards as their body will be too sensitive and physically satisfied from the orgasm they just had. Hence, a ruined orgasm!
- Watching you masturbate - a lot of submissives yearn to please their Dominants, so what greater punishment than tying them up and have them watch you please yourself? Moan their name and make sure they hear exactly how you would like them to please you. They'll hate you for it, but they'll be sure to behave in future. Don't forget to have them clean you up adter, but make sure they've apologised for being a brat first 😉
When it comes to owning a brat, the important thing to understand is that your brat needs some room to wriggle and breathe. If you like to be strict and regimented, understand that a brat is quite possibly not the right choice for you. Stripped of their playful nature, a brat can become irritable and depressed, and nobody wants to own an irritable, depressed submissive!
The other thing you need to understand about owning and punishing a brat is their emotions. Brats can be highly sensitive and usually mean no harm from their actions whatsoever. Let the punishment fit the crime and be sure to give them plenty of aftercare afterwards!
That's it from me for this post! Are you a brat? Would you want a bratty submissive? Why not give this post a like, share your thoughts in the comments or click here for more kinky posts!
Until next time!
Stay safe & have fun,
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