Life In 24/7 BDSM: Chapter Nine – Dominant Spotlight Interview

Originally published January 2021, last updated July 2023.

Hello Readers,

For our ninth chapter of ourLife In 24/7 BSDM series, and I decided to interrogate interview my Dominant husbands, Matt, to get his take on things. Are you ready? Then lets get stuck in.

Background History:

1. Did you grow up in a home where traditional gender roles were present? If so, how were they demonstrated?

Unfortunately, I grew up with just my dad as my mum passed away when I was young, so we did not have the typical gender roles when I was growing up. 

2. Before you got married, did you have an idea of the type of husband that you wanted to become?

 Not really. I wanted to ensure I was both loving and supportive, and I feel that I am.  

3. When was your first interaction with domination and what was that experience like?

I am not sure what my first interaction was. I think my first ever experience when I visited a BDSM club with you. At that point, I was very new and unsure about the BDSM lifestyle.

5. What was one resource (online or print) that you found beneficial in your journey into BDSM?

I found that the Dominant Guide (no longer active) very helpful and full of different guides and resources. 

6. Who was one role model or masculine figure that you looked up to growing up?

The only male role model that I had growing up was my dad, though he wasn't always a great rolemodel for me. I always thought a lot of your Dad, too.

7. Do you believe that domination and masculinity should go hand in hand? Why or why not?

I do believe that dominance and masculinity go hand in hand. I believe that males are more aggressive naturally and that can also make them more naturally Dominant in the bedroom. 

Life as a Dominant: 

1. Was there a moment when you realized what type of Dominant you are? And if so, please describe in detail what that moment was or how it came to be.

The moment I knew I was more a Daddy Dom was when I started taking a more caring role as a Dominant. We tried other Dominant/submissive roles but this felt a natural role for me. However, you don't identify as a Little and so we aren't DD/lg.

Even though I agreed to call you "Daddy" like you asked?

(Grins) Even if.

2. When you were designing your rules for me, what were your primary objectives and do you think that your rules have been beneficial in my development as your submissive?

I didn't want the rules to be too serious. I wanted to make sure that you look after yourself mainly and have plenty of fun within the relationship, though you do also need some boundaries!

3. What has been the most rewarding aspect about being a Dominant?

Seeing you grow as a person and become more confident, I take great pride in that.

4. What has been the most challenging aspect about being a dominant?

My confidence. Because I am not a very confident person, sometimes I find it particularly hard to feel dominant. It's not always, but sometimes.

5. Are there any areas where you would like to work on yourself, as my dominant?

As per my last answer, the main thing I need to work on my confidence as a person. In doing that, it will help me to question myself less and enable me to lead you more.

Domination in the Bedroom: 

1. How do you feel your role as a dominant comes out during intimacy?

In the bedroom, I feel that I have control over your pleasure. Or rather a lack thereof, as the case may sometimes be..

2. What is one kink that you're excited to explore more as D/s with me?

There is nothing that immediately comes to mind. I would be interested in exploring the sensation of pain more with you though..

3. Is there one toy or tool that makes you feel empowered as a dominant? If so, what is it?

I think it's the flogger. It can be used both for sensation and pain, so it's probably my favourite toy to use.

4. Is there one toy you wish we had? What is it and why?

(Browses Lovehoney.co.uk) Well there is nothing that stands out at the moment, but you can’t have enough floggers..

Punishments & FUNishments: 

1. Was it difficult to find a beneficial punishment for me when we were establishing our D/s relationship? And if so, what was the most difficult aspect?

I found it very difficult as you are not into intense pain, so I had to try and find alternative effective punishments. I find that psychological punishments work best on you, like just not taking seriously anything you say when you start insisting that you're in charge.

Oh my god, I hate that!

(Grins) Exactly.

2. Have you had to shift punishments along our journey as D/s? If so, why?

I did. When I started the relationship I used a lot of physical punishments which do not always work as you can be very masochistic when you're being bratty, so I had to find alternatives.

3. Do you enjoy bratting? If so, please share why you're drawn to it.

Yes I enjoy bratting, I would find a submissive that was always compliant to be boring and tiresome. I find bratting fun and it keeps me on my toes as a dominant. 

But you just said..

There's a limit, no?

4. What is your stance on FUNishments (or creating a punishment but something that intended to arouse, entice, and humour both parties)? Have you ever implemented a FUNishment or wanted to? If so, what was your favourite?

Funishments work better with you, and if really needed then I can shoot you a look (my 'dom stare') which is usually punishment enough. My favourite Funishment though is tickling as it usually makes you laugh and squirm. 

An important note on Dominants

It's important to remember that, just as what makes an ideal submissive may vary between two people, what makes someone an ideal Dominant also varies. I've always wanted someone that I can laugh with, live with and love, that I can stress with, reflect with and share my deviant, dark sense of humour with, and I have that in Matt. We already know we're both going to hell, we're just enjoying the journey 😉

Join me next time for our final instalment where I will be taking a look at what the future holds in our relationship and what's planned for the future.

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun,

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