Life In 24/7 BDSM – Chapter Seven: A Look At Language

A pair of red stilletto heals with silver handcuffs on white sheets. White text on a black banner reads "Life In 24/7 BDSM - Chapter Seven: A Look At Language"

Originally posted November 2020, last updated July 2023.

Good evening Readers,

For today's post I will be delving in and taking a look at some of the words and expressions used in our dynamic. It is important to understand that dynamics vary greatly, and not everyone chooses to use the same words.

For Wolfie and I, we don't generally say or do anything different to anyone else. However, there are a few words or expressions that have made it into our own vocabulary.

Oh Noes

Perhaps at the top of this list, naturally, is "oh noes". Oh noes is sex, and anything to do with sex. Normally with a covering of the eyes, it's our way of saying that something is sexual, but whilst simultaneously accepting it rather than judging or criticising it - being "oh noes" could mean pure unadulterated filth, but that doesn't mean that we're against it!


Snugs, or snuggles, or cuddles. Snugs are the best 🙂

Noms (or Nom Noms)

Noms are food. It kind of came from the popular stategy game, Cut The Rope. We love the cute little green candy-loving dinosaur, Om Nom.


Chicken (or Quorn) nuggets.


Similar to eating, "tastes" is the word we seem to use just before playfully biting one another. Sometimes, when I'm in one of my silly moods, I'll lightly bite Wolfie on the shoulder and declare "I tastes you". Random, but then we are random 🙂


My water bottle, of course! But also basically any cold, flat drink (but mostly my water bottle!)

Favourite Hoomin

Hoomins are humans, so my Favourite Hoomin is my favourite human, my Wolfie 🙂

Peekin' (or "Peeks")

For whatever reason, we take to hiding behind the hinges of the door, ninja stylee, and watching one another. So that the other knows we're there, we declare "Peekin'" or "Peeks".


Anti-peeks means "don't look!". It could be for a surprise or if one of us is in a state of undress (which could also be a nice surprise, of course 😉 )


An injury.


Similar to above, "Pookie" means illness, or to feel ill.

Icky (Icky Girlsie/Icky Boysie)

Gross, disgusting. We end up in a silly verbal battle of "Icky boysies, eww", "Girls are the ickiest". It stems from the old playground version of cooties, which is something we both remember. We don't actually think the other one is gross, promise!

Affiliated advert for Bondage Bountique furry spanking advert from Lovehoney.

Non-Verbal Language

Wrinkling Nose

As well as our words, Wolfie and I wrinkle our nose at one another. Again, as above, it goes back to that school playground rumour that boys have cooties, girls are gross etc. It stems from the fact that we were both comfortable enough to joke that the other one was gross, without actually finding one another gross. It's just the kind of random sh*t you do when you are crazily in love with someone.

On our wedding day, Mr Wolfie and I were terrified that we were actually going to get caught in the photographs doing this to one another. It's such a reflexive thing for us now, the very last thing that I needed on our wedding day was a photo of me in full bridal attire, wrinkling my nose at my future husband!

Rubbing The Nose - Thumb Up/Down

If we're talking about someone we were talking to (or met) earlier in the day but can't easily say that are kinky (if we're in public or have company, for example), we will rub our nose and point the thumb upwards or downwards. For a submissive person, we aim the thumb downwards and towards the mouth. For a dominant, we aim the thumb upwards, towards the eye. Holding the hand at nose level allows the expression to be clearly seen, while simply appearing as relieving an itch to anyone else. However, I have been known to land myself in trouble by using the 'submissive' gesture towards Wolfie when it wasn't warranted 😉

A black couple talking on a sofa.

Choosing & Finding Your Own Language

In the time that we explored the Daddy Dom kink, one of the most prevalent obvious things for me was that I don't use the universal "Little Speak" and in fact, I even find it quite annoying. Instead and in a lot of senses, we made up our own language and I'm sure that for many couples, much will be the same.

For us, a lot of the words we use are a kind of clash of our love for I Can Haz Cheezburger and I Can Haz Hotdog. An amalgamation of the two, combined with being a great big pair of idiots in love, led us where we are today.

When it comes to finding a language that works for you, let it flow and happen naturally. Maybe you will use some words and not others, maybe you will use words some of the time or not at all. Whatever happens, don't stress on the need to have a language. If your native tongue is the only language you speak, that's completely cool, too 🙂

Communicating Intent In A Vanilla Setting

I love asking Wolfie what he wants for dinner because it'll either be something not spicy (like steak, spaghetti & meatballs etc) or a curry, If Wolfie names a non-spicy dish, I know that he doesn't want sex, or he doesn't want to play rough. If he names a curry (and usually, the hotter, the better!) then I know it's game on! Who knew making dinner plans could be so rewarding? 😉

Lovehoney sex toy finder affilite ad

Safewords Outside Of A BDSM Scene

I've touched upon this here, but sometimes in BDSM it helps to have a safeword for use outside of a scene. Maybe something is making the submissive uncomfortable, or the Dominant wants to communicate that they would not consider part-taking in an activity or are uncomfortable with the way that a submissive is behaving.

For us, that word is burgundy.

As anyone with any basic knowledge of colours will know, burgundy is a shade of red-purple, a dark red admittedly, but a red nonetheless. By dropping 'burgundy' into a casual sentence, we can communicate our displeasure without our remarks seeming too obvious. For example;

"I think some burgundy cushions would look lovely on the sofa" or "I thought a burgundy lip colour would perfectly match the dress, what do you think?"

If you pick a word that's fairly easy to throw into conversation, nobody needs to know what you're communicating.

I hope this post has got your creative juices flowing and I hope it will help you feel more inspired about how you communicate in your relationship. Of course, you don't have to use any of our words or gestures if you don't want to, this is only what we do.

Have a great evening, folks!

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun.

My digital signature. All rights reseved,

Disclaimer: This post contains Lovehoney affiliated links. Please be aware that I may receive a small commission on any products you buy through my links. You will not be charged any extra for any purchases you make.

Related Posts

Enjoyed this post? It costs £70 a month to keep Ten Shades & Me live. If you enjoy or benefit from my work, please consider supporting me with a donation so that I can continue to support the BDSM community in turn. 100% of your donation will be spent on maintaining and improving my site and bringing you even more valuable and enjoyable content. No donation is ever too small. I thank you for your support. 

Your donation will show up on Paypal as “TSAMUK”.

Do you have a service or product that you would like me to promote? Please be sure to visit my page, Advertise On Ten Shades & Me!
[dntplgn recurring_amt1="1.00" recurring_amt2="2.00" recurring_amt3="5.00" item_name="TSAMUK" paypal_email=""]

Related Posts
That Time I Tried… Nipple Clamps (Again!)
That Time I Tried… Nipple Clamps (Again!)

It's supposed to hurt so good, but sometimes it just hurts bad instead. I tried nipple clamps again, and learned Read more

Explaining BDSM Relationships: My Field Metaphor
Explaining BDSM Relationships: My Field Metaphor

One of the biggest misconceptions about BDSM relationships is that they are all the same. We all wear leather or Read more

Why You Should Ignore Some BDSM Experts (As Told By A BDSM Expert)
Why You Should Ignore Some BDSM Experts (As Told By A BDSM Expert)

There are lots of knowledgeable people, but there might not be any "experts" in our community.

15 Things That Totally Happen In 24/7 BDSM Relationships
A person is collared and leashed with the handle held by another. White text on a black banner reads "15 Things That Totally Happen In 24/7 BDSM Relationships

Dream of a life like Fifty Shades Of Grey? Here's 15 things that really happen in 24/7 BDSM relationships.

One thought on “Life In 24/7 BDSM – Chapter Seven: A Look At Language

Leave a Reply