Originally posted November 2020, last updated July 2023.
Good evening Readers,
For today's post I will be delving in and taking a look at some of the words and expressions used in our dynamic. It is important to understand that dynamics vary greatly, and not everyone chooses to use the same words.
For Wolfie and I, we don't generally say or do anything different to anyone else. However, there are a few words or expressions that have made it into our own vocabulary.
Perhaps at the top of this list, naturally, is "oh noes". Oh noes is sex, and anything to do with sex. Normally with a covering of the eyes, it's our way of saying that something is sexual, but whilst simultaneously accepting it rather than judging or criticising it - being "oh noes" could mean pure unadulterated filth, but that doesn't mean that we're against it!
Snugs, or snuggles, or cuddles. Snugs are the best 🙂
Noms (or Nom Noms)
Noms are food. It kind of came from the popular stategy game, Cut The Rope. We love the cute little green candy-loving dinosaur, Om Nom.
Chicken (or Quorn) nuggets.
Similar to eating, "tastes" is the word we seem to use just before playfully biting one another. Sometimes, when I'm in one of my silly moods, I'll lightly bite Wolfie on the shoulder and declare "I tastes you". Random, but then we are random 🙂
My water bottle, of course! But also basically any cold, flat drink (but mostly my water bottle!)
Hoomins are humans, so my Favourite Hoomin is my favourite human, my Wolfie 🙂
Peekin' (or "Peeks")
For whatever reason, we take to hiding behind the hinges of the door, ninja stylee, and watching one another. So that the other knows we're there, we declare "Peekin'" or "Peeks".
Anti-peeks means "don't look!". It could be for a surprise or if one of us is in a state of undress (which could also be a nice surprise, of course 😉 )
Similar to above, "Pookie" means illness, or to feel ill.
Icky (Icky Girlsie/Icky Boysie)
Gross, disgusting. We end up in a silly verbal battle of "Icky boysies, eww", "Girls are the ickiest". It stems from the old playground version of cooties, which is something we both remember. We don't actually think the other one is gross, promise!
As well as our words, Wolfie and I wrinkle our nose at one another. Again, as above, it goes back to that school playground rumour that boys have cooties, girls are gross etc. It stems from the fact that we were both comfortable enough to joke that the other one was gross, without actually finding one another gross. It's just the kind of random sh*t you do when you are crazily in love with someone.
On our wedding day, Mr Wolfie and I were terrified that we were actually going to get caught in the photographs doing this to one another. It's such a reflexive thing for us now, the very last thing that I needed on our wedding day was a photo of me in full bridal attire, wrinkling my nose at my future husband!
Rubbing The Nose - Thumb Up/Down
If we're talking about someone we were talking to (or met) earlier in the day but can't easily say that are kinky (if we're in public or have company, for example), we will rub our nose and point the thumb upwards or downwards. For a submissive person, we aim the thumb downwards and towards the mouth. For a dominant, we aim the thumb upwards, towards the eye. Holding the hand at nose level allows the expression to be clearly seen, while simply appearing as relieving an itch to anyone else. However, I have been known to land myself in trouble by using the 'submissive' gesture towards Wolfie when it wasn't warranted 😉
Choosing & Finding Your Own Language
In the time that we explored the Daddy Dom kink, one of the most prevalent obvious things for me was that I don't use the universal "Little Speak" and in fact, I even find it quite annoying. Instead and in a lot of senses, we made up our own language and I'm sure that for many couples, much will be the same.
For us, a lot of the words we use are a kind of clash of our love for I Can Haz Cheezburger and I Can Haz Hotdog. An amalgamation of the two, combined with being a great big pair of idiots in love, led us where we are today.
When it comes to finding a language that works for you, let it flow and happen naturally. Maybe you will use some words and not others, maybe you will use words some of the time or not at all. Whatever happens, don't stress on the need to have a language. If your native tongue is the only language you speak, that's completely cool, too 🙂
Communicating Intent In A Vanilla Setting
I love asking Wolfie what he wants for dinner because it'll either be something not spicy (like steak, spaghetti & meatballs etc) or a curry, If Wolfie names a non-spicy dish, I know that he doesn't want sex, or he doesn't want to play rough. If he names a curry (and usually, the hotter, the better!) then I know it's game on! Who knew making dinner plans could be so rewarding? 😉
Safewords Outside Of A BDSM Scene
I've touched upon this here, but sometimes in BDSM it helps to have a safeword for use outside of a scene. Maybe something is making the submissive uncomfortable, or the Dominant wants to communicate that they would not consider part-taking in an activity or are uncomfortable with the way that a submissive is behaving.
For us, that word is burgundy.
As anyone with any basic knowledge of colours will know, burgundy is a shade of red-purple, a dark red admittedly, but a red nonetheless. By dropping 'burgundy' into a casual sentence, we can communicate our displeasure without our remarks seeming too obvious. For example;
"I think some burgundy cushions would look lovely on the sofa" or "I thought a burgundy lip colour would perfectly match the dress, what do you think?"
If you pick a word that's fairly easy to throw into conversation, nobody needs to know what you're communicating.
I hope this post has got your creative juices flowing and I hope it will help you feel more inspired about how you communicate in your relationship. Of course, you don't have to use any of our words or gestures if you don't want to, this is only what we do.
Have a great evening, folks!
Until next time,
Stay safe & have fun.
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