Kinky Daters: The Sexy Show That Got Us Talking

Who knew that talking during a kinky show could possibly be so beneficial?

"Kinky Daters, shall we see what that's about?"

I have to be honest, neither Matt nor I had high hopes for the show. Channel 4 is already known for Naked Attraction - the British dating show where people hope to find love while completely in the nude - so we didn't have high hopes for this one. In actual fact, we'd even settle down to be quite actively against it.

The first lady rocked up with evidently extended pigtails, high heels and a choker. She giggled and laughed her though the meeting, smiling and warmly touching the arms of her prospective partners.

"So do you want to know what my kink is?" she asked, grinning at her potential beau. Come off it, love. We all do.

One by one, she brandished various toys: A riding crop, a ballgag, a flogger...

"Not in a restaurant!" I squirmed. Until that point, I hadn't noted the other kinky folk in the background. This was quite clearly a kinky dating event, booked out in a bar or restaurant.

"How do you feel about spanking? Watersports? Drinking pee?". Talk about getting in at the deep end - some of these poor souls were only just getting started on their kinky journeys, and their eyes-as-wide-as-saucers said so!

With the preliminary meets out of the way, our leading lady got to take her pick of the five gents and take the lucky fella into the playroom for some one-on-one kinky fun. For the first five minutes she spent her time strutting, pirouetting and spinning around a pole.

Kinky Needs A Safeword

"Okay, leading misconceptions there, for a start" I noted, "she's young, she's pretty, she looks great and she very obviously keeps in shape, but not all Dommes are like that. Some are older, less nimble, where is the real representation here?". Plus, some Dommes don't pole dance. It's not a matter of flexibility, it's simply a matter of choice.

Once we got down to the actual BDSM play (if we can call it that), there were even more problems in store.

"They didn't agree a safeword? Look at the way she's landing that across his spine, that's far too much wax for just starting out!". I admire enthusiasm, really I do, but when you first introduce someone to kink, you always, always need to start slow. Drip wax on a newbie, from a good height, and very, very slowly! To top it all off with her subject still bondage-taped to the chair, she brandished a steel cock ring with an attach anal hook, and a steel penis plug. I've never seen a man question his life decisions so fast.

"Do you know what this is?" she grinned.

"A penis plug", I said matter-of-factly. I'm not sure what horrified Matt more, the fact that I knew, or the fact that I knew.

After this awkward session we met Annabelle Knight, a self=professed kink expert. Bless her, I had nothing against against dear Annabelle, but I had a whole lot against anyone who calls themselves a kink expert. I discredited her largely and almost at once - she was, like me, merely another woman who had read and practiced in this hidden world. Call yourself what you like, but don't' call yourself an expert. BDSN educator? Maybe. BDSM advisor? Sure. BDSM or kink expert? Absolutely not.

Talking About Training

Next up came puppy play, an oh too popular freak show element for programmes like these. I always roll my eyes at such demonstrations, not because I have anything against puppy play but because puppy (and pony) play are often seen as a chance to laugh at something a bit taboo.

"I like that the pup has to kind of prove themselves to the owner" Matt said airily. Holy shit, where did that come from?

For the longest time. I've wondered about hand gestures and protocols in my dynamic, however, getting Matt to take any ideas onboard was often fruitless. I'd bought him books, he didn't read them. I'd sent him videos, he didn't watch them. In the end, I was so exhausted by my efforts that I was prepared to give up and accept my husband just might not be that into kink, when suddenly he comes out with that. I wanted to know what I had to do - anything - just to prove my worth!

"See, there's a difference here" I began, not sure if I really wanted to continue. "Pups have owners, and kittens? Kittens ARE the owners!" I laughed, curling up as small as I could. I got a slapped ass for my crimes.

For the last last of the show, we met a middle-aged man who wore a smartly pressed suit and sat with his calf rested on his knee as he sipped whiskey. There was no denying that it is a strong look, but I wasn't convinced.

"Sub" I said, analysing what was before me. It was something that I'd seen before, and something that I too do. We adopt a strong look, it's almost a defence to ward off the weaker ones.

"No way! Look at him, that's such a Dom look!" Matt declared. We'll see.

Show Me What You Want

For their session, he tied his lucky lady to a black metal St Andrew's Cross with red silk scarves as he traced a double-wheeled pinwheel up her leg. It takes a lot to make me envious, but damn it, I was envious - very, very envious indeed! Could we fit a St Andrew's Cross with a bit of a bedroom rethink?

"There are many types of BDSM play" Annabelle began.

"There is" I agreed, "I'll take sensual BDSM, please!". Sensation play - this girl just lives for it!

Shortly after this intense scene that felt almost too personal to watch, the gentleman walked away and the woman was o longer bound. Now, it was his turn to get tied up.

"I couldn't do that" Matt said, "if you were in subspace, how would you switch back to dominate someone? What about aftercare?". So we agreed again, that neither of us could switch in a session, we both need clearly defined roles. In fact, come to think, we both need clearly defined roles in general.

It's often said that the best ideas are the ones that you don't even come up with right away, and it turns out, the best way for my husband to learn and share his ideas was for us to simply watch some bad TV together. Gone are the text books and Youtube links, now, we'll watching more crummy TV, talking, sharing and learning as we go.

Curious? Kinky Daters is available on demand for UK residents for the next month. Watch it here!