Originally published.August 2020. Last updated November 2023.
Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
As a person, my submission is like day and night. By day, I am confident, feisty, even somewhat argumentative, and yet by nightfall, I allow my submissive side to come out. It's almost as thought the sunlight invigorates me and the moonlight subdues me, regardless, it is the person that I am.
For the most part, I am strong, confident and capable. I have myself together and I take responsibility for my own matters. As a blogger and a housewife, I use my initiative to get things done a lot, so it comes as a surprise to a lot of people to learn that I am sexually submissive in the bedroom. I don't ask my husband for instruction, I decide what needs doing and when, and so I do it. A lot of people even think that my husband is the submissive one of the two of us as he is more laid back than I am!
For the time being, I regard myself as solely my husband's submissive. Although we regard ourselves as monogamous, I regard myself as "poly-ish" and I allow myself to feel and fall into (and sometimes out of) feelings of love for others as they develop. I have never acted on these feelings, but I allow them to be present when they are there. I believe that human emotions are complicated and we can not simply shut off emotions and stay exclusively to one. Each time we meet someone, we develop feelings towards them. It may be feelings of affection or detest, but our feelings are always there. Once we decide that we like someone, it is only natural to develop some form of emotional bond. Just sometimes, those feelings can even turn into inklings of love.
To me, Dominance and submission is complex and multi-faceted. At times, the roles are clearly defined and apparent, and at others, such a relationship appears as mere affection, connection and respect. I do not believe that a Dominant should be proud of what a submissive accomplishes solely in their submission to them, but rather they should be proud of their submissive for who he or she is. A submissive is a person, capable of many great things both within and outside of that role. I know, for example, that my husband is as proud of me as a blogger as he is of me and my devotion towards him, as his submissive. I don't do anything half-heartedly. I'm either fully-committed, or not at all.
Being a housewife is often a thankless task. There are days when external pressures pile up on me and I do not accomplish anywhere near what I had envisioned. I do not need a Dominant partner to beat me down and remind me that I have failed. For me, I am more than capable of doing that all by myself.
What I need, is someone to remind me that I have tried.
As a Type-A person, failure is not an option. If I didn't succeed entirely, then I have failed, and any day with an uncompleted to do list is a failure. I grew up in a household where you didn't stop until the job was done and one of the things I have since struggled with is learning when to stop, let go and give the job to someone who is perhaps more skilled than I am. To me, that too is akin to failure. One of the simplest things that a Dominant can do is to snap me back from that negative self-talk and remind me that I have tried, and to stand strong in the storm that sometimes follows. Manage that, make sense, and sometimes I will listen more.
For me, one of the prerequisites of a good play partner is a good sense of humour. I am naturally drawn to people who can laugh at life and its setbacks without being drawn into a cycle of negativity. An individual who is able to laugh will bounce back better from the hardest parts in life than someone who wallows in sorrow. Of course we all have bad days, but those who are able to laugh at themselves and at life will inevitably bounce back quicker. Not only that, but I am a naturally playful person and like to be able to exercise that. One of the quickest ways that a potential play partner can instil fear in me is by taking away my ability to be playful. Remove my ability to be playful and I will be gone for good. I think I might even be allergic to serious people..
At present, I only play with my husband with an additional strong emotional connection with Bill, of Rope & Roses. Not only a shared interest in BDSM, but Bill understands kink with disability, anxiety and being generally imperfect, something which is prevalent for me. I keep an open mind to future play partners but I'm not actively seeking. Any potential suitors would, at a minimum, by accepting of (and not want to change) my playful nature and be accommodating of my disabilities. I also don't currently have sexual relations with anyone who isn't my husband, which is a frequent dealbreaker for many kinky people in this day and age!
That's it from me for this post! Do you have a Dominant partner? If not, are you looking for one? Give this post a like, share, or leave a comment below. Alternatively, click here for more 30 Days Of Submission posts!
Until next time,
Stay safe & have fun,
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