Yes, I’m Disabled. Yes, I Have Kinky Sex, Too

I have a confession to make. For far too long, I hesitated about discussing my physical disabilities on my blog. Being kinky and a mental health blogger was what made me popular, why tarnish that image with my not-so-perfect body?

But today is a time for change. Inspired by PoojaG's guest post from The Wheelchair Teen, I realised that I should no longer be ashamed of who I am. I'm not simply the kinky blogger or a disabled blogger. I'm a disabled, kinky blogger - it's time to embrace me!

In this world, it seems as though there is a damning perception of disabled people that still exists to this day. You're either able-bodied and can be afforded all of the benefits that go with it, or you're disabled, and you're left with the spoils. Activity groups are set up for you where you can go and paint or bake and sip tea with your friends until you either quit or perish of natural causes. Sadly and all too often, it just doesn't occur to these group organisers that disabled people might not want to bake yet another batch of fairy cakes from a packet and many of us have exactly the same hobbies and interests as our able-bodied peers. I know, right? How dare we.

But nothing infuriates me more than the idea that disabled people don't have sex, that it's unimaginable for us to be having sex, or that the sex we have must be different, weird, or in some way awkward, because of our disabilities. Who told you that?

You saw the grab rail in the bathroom and you just assumed I needed them in bed too? Bathrooms have wet and slippery surfaces (don't be rude!).

What does it take to accommodate my disabilities in bed? A pillow. Quite literally, that is it, and that's only because, flat on my back, my cerebrallar ataxia can make me feel incredibly nauseous. Trust me, that's just not going to end pretty for anyone.

When a lot of people meet me, they imagine that my life must be nice, that I must have a simple life, a quiet life or that my marriage must be nothing like their own, because I have some disabilities. Maybe we have sex once in a blue moon once we have plenty of time to get the props and aids out or that I need my husband to help me manoeuvre into position. Some people may need support in the bedroom, but that isn't the case for everyone.

My dear friend Bill understands my frustrations with these perceptions a great deal. Having haemodialysis, many people would assume that Bill is connected to his artificial kidney every day, or that his condition severely impedes him from living an otherwise normal life. People meet us, and they make assumptions that we can't possibly do the things that they do, or that we won't be interested in the same things that they are. We both have disabilities and we both have complications and considerations because of them, but besides that, we are two perfectly normal people, with completely normal hobbies and interests. When I tell tales of canoeing, camping, and fishing, it comes as a surprise to a lot of people that I can manage them ( and I can, though perhaps for less time than most people). When I tell them that the sex scenes in Fifty Shades are boring and nothing I haven't done before, they almost fall off of their chair!

It's wrong to assume that disabled people have sex different from anyone else, and it is wrong to assume that their sexual tastes and preferences are in any way different from able-bodied people. Maybe we do need some help and support, but any decent person won't see that as an obstacle, and if they do, then they aren't worth sharing your bed with in the first place!

I don't disclose off the bat that I'm kinky or discuss what I got up to because I have decorum, that's all. If you want me to bound up to you and tell you how many times my husband flogged me or the other wicked things he did, I can do that if you prefer, but it may shock you. It turns out, some of us less-abled folk are far darker than you thought. Who knew?

If you don't want to imagine disabled people having sex, you need to get your own head out of your ass before I use one of my crutches to push you down a very steep hill and roll you into the local river. We fuck, we tie one another up and we do things to one another you won't even find on Redtube. Get over it, it happens, disabled people screw.

But please, if I have to get down on my crunchy, painful knees and beg of you, please, please stop treating us as though we don't.

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

Psst, if you're if you're disabled and in the UK and looking for love, do be sure to give Outsiders a visit. I've been asked by Bill to give them a little mention 😉