BDSM relationships and fields. It sounds a little crazy, right? Well, maybe. Hear me out.
Imagine that you and your partner own a big, wide field. On that field are two gates - one on either side. All you and your partner need to do is create a path that joins the gates, but how do you do it, exactly? You could make your path:
- Short or long
- Be very straight, or have lots of corners or curves
- Have sharp corners, or smooth, rounded corners
- Have spiked railings or rose bush borders
- Be made from concrete, tarmac or cobblestone, or even mud
And so on...
So how is a BDSM relationship similar? Your dynamic might:
- Be short and brief, or long and serious
- Be set to a particular dynamic, or continually evolving over time
- Have lots of strict rules, or be more relaxed and fun
- Have lots of extreme play, or be softer, sensual and more loving (or both)
- Decide to wear leather, latex or lace to play, or you may even play in the nude
Et cetera.
Maybe you'll have a few fields with different partners (polyamory), and each path will be different. That's okay.
If you have a short, straight path with one person and a long, curvy path with the next, that's totally fine.
All that matters is that you and your partner agree on what that path looks like, because in this community, we call that consent. If you and your partner can't agree on what that path looks like, do NOT agree to 'own a field' (have a relationship) with them. Your safety and happiness should come first, always.
My point is, each path will vary, and no two paths are likely to be the same. I've had short paths before, and I have a long path now. I've had very straight paths (because I needed it at the time), and my current path is much curvier, with lots and lots of rose bushes! Whatever you want your BDSM relationship to look like, talk, discuss and make your dynamic work for you - your path is your journey! You may even decide from time to time that you don't like a part of it and you want to redevelop it, go right ahead! Do whatever works for you, with your partner.
And if anyone else tells you that your path is wrong or that they disagree with how you're redeveloping it? Tell them where to go.
After all, it's not their field to be planning 😉
That's it from me for this post! What does (or would) your ideal field look like? How many fields do you have, or would you like to have? Why not give this post a like, share your thoughts in the comments or click here for more kinky posts!
Until next time!
Stay safe & have fun,
Disclaimer: Products mentioned in this post have been honestly and independently reviewed on behalf of Lovehoney. All of my reviews take into consideration the ease of use for a person with disabilties, who are the target audience of Kinky With A Twist. Please be aware that I may receive a small commission on any products you buy through my links. You will not be charged any extra for any purchases you make as a result of my reviews.
It's supposed to hurt so good, but sometimes it just hurts bad instead. I tried nipple clamps again, and learned Read more
There are lots of knowledgeable people, but there might not be any "experts" in our community.
Dream of a life like Fifty Shades Of Grey? Here's 15 things that really happen in 24/7 BDSM relationships.
My thoughts on Fifty Shades, from someone who was kinky long before the books were even released!
2 thoughts on “Explaining BDSM Relationships: My Field Metaphor”